


Eye of the Storm

by littlebirdtold



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Sex, First Time, Fuck Or Die, Hate Sex, Infidelity, Love Triangles, M/M, Matchmaking, Parallel Universes, Vulcan Biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:13:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebirdtold/pseuds/littlebirdtold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-ST XI. Three months into the five-year mission, Spock is still with Uhura, and Spock and Jim are at each other's throats when the Enterprise is sent to investigate another lightning storm in space. They encounter a Vulcan ship, commanded by Captain Spock and his very illogical First Officer Jim Kirk who, to everyone's shock, are happily married and in love with each other. The other Kirk disapproves of the fact that his counterpart is letting Uhura have what should be 'rightfully his' and is determined to 'set things right,' but the problem is, no one appreciates his meddling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU!Kirk and Spock are from [ Chess!verse](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1140438), so this can be read as a sequel to it, but it isn't necessary to have read it. 
> 
> This fic is set after STXI and completely ignores Star Trek into Darkness. 
> 
> To avoid confusion, Chess AU!Kirk is "Kirk," SXI!Kirk is "Jim."

 

 

"He hates me, Bones."  
  
McCoy sighed, rolling his eyes. "Not this again; damn it, go away, kid. I don't have the time for this."   
  
Jim scowled at him, flopping down on a chair at McCoy's desk. "Bones, I'm serious." He heaved a sigh. "He's driving me crazy."   
  
McCoy returned his gaze to his PADD. "Jim, it's been only three months since the mission started. You and that hobgoblin aren't going to magically become best friends just because your counterparts were in some parallel universe."  
  
Jim rubbed his forehead. "I know that, Bones; believe me, I  _know_. I just don't get how the hell in another universe we were close friends while in this universe Spock can't even stand me—and I doubt it's gonna change. We're a shitty command team, we never agree on anything, he finds my decisions illogical and stupid, and everyone on the ship knows it! The fact that my own First Officer thinks I'm a shitty captain doesn't exactly make my crew respect me more! I tried fucking everything, but he just doesn't meet me halfway."  
  
"All right, so let's hear it," Bones said in a long-suffering tone. "What have you tried so far?"  
  
"I suggested doing our paperwork together."  
  
"And?"  
  
"He gave me a condescending look and told me that his paperwork was already done."  
  
Bones snorted. "What else?"   
  
"I suggested chess, 'cause Ambassador Spock told me he loved playing chess with his Jim Kirk. I thought we could bond over it, but Spock informed me that he didn't have the time for such 'unproductive' activities. Yeah, right _._  He can find the time to fuck Uhura, but he can't spare—"  
  
McCoy closed his eyes in exasperation. "What else?"  
  
"I suggested sparring, and you know what he told me? He told me that I was  _no match_  for him. Can you believe that? I'm fit! Seriously—"  
  
McCoy's communicator beeped. He flipped it open, grateful for the distraction. "McCoy here."  
  
 _"Have you seen the Captain, Doctor?"_  Uhura's voice sounded from the speakers.  _"He seems to have left his communicator somewhere. We've been trying to get hold of him for fifteen minutes."_  
  
"He's here." Bones handed the communicator to Jim, muttering, "Just remember that I'm a doctor, not an operator."  
  
"Kirk here."  
  
 _"We have new orders from Starfleet, Captain. High priority."_  
  
Jim frowned. "High priority? Forward the orders to me and inform all department heads and senior officers to report to the briefing room in five minutes."  
  
 _"It's already done, Captain. Commander Spock called a meeting. Everyone is waiting for you and the Doctor."_  
  
Jim's jaw tightened.   
  
"Of course he did," he said through his teeth. "I'm on my way. Kirk out."  
  
"See?" Jim gestured furiously to Bones. "He just loves making me look like an incompetent idiot!"  
  
Bones sighed. "Let's go, Jim. You're already late."

 

  
  
*

  
  
Jim sat down at the head of the briefing table.  
  
"Mr. Spock, if you wouldn't mind?" he said, not looking at his first officer. He hoped his face didn’t betray how pissed he actually was.  
  
"Certainly, Captain," Spock said from his left, and launched into an explanation of the mission. "Forty-six minutes ago, scientists of Ktyx IV detected a space anomaly approximately in twenty light-years away from their system. The nature of the anomaly is unknown, but some characteristics of the anomaly appear to be similar to those that were detected by the USS Kelvin when the Narada appeared in our universe. The scientists reported that it looked like a ‘lightning storm in space.’"  
  
Jim's gaze snapped to Spock, but the Vulcan's face was as blank as ever. Jim glanced around the table. Everyone looked concerned and tense.   
  
"Our mission is to observe the anomaly, to determine if it is dangerous, and, if possible, to find its cause," Spock continued. "We have been ordered to head for Ktyx system as soon as possible."   
  
Jim frowned. As far as he knew, the USS Prometheus and the USS Daedalus were closer to the anomaly than the Enterprise, but it was hardly surprising that Starfleet Command was sending the Enterprise there. Starfleet must have been concerned that it was something like the Narada—or the Narada, since no one knew for sure that the ship was destroyed. After all, the Narada had survived the first black hole, so there was a small possibility that it survived the second one despite the fact that they fired all weapons at the ship.   
  
Jim turned to Chekov, who looked a little pale. "Mr. Chekov, plot our course."   
  
The boy nodded and began furiously typing on his PADD. "We'll reach Ktyx system in approximately thirteen-point-three hours on maximum warp, Keptin."  
  
"Good," Jim said. "Mr. Scott, we're going to needed all the power we can get. Divert all unnecessary systems to shields."   
  
"Aye, Captain."  
  
Jim looked at the other officers. "Prepare your departments for the mission. Lt. Stevenson, if you need to tweak the sensors, now is the time to do so. Any questions?”   
  
No one spoke.   
  
"Dismissed. Commander, a word."  
  
Jim waited until everyone but Spock had left the room before turning to the Vulcan.  
  
"May I inquire," he started, "why the hell do you give any orders without consulting me first?"  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "I assume you are referring to my calling a meeting?"  
  
Pursing his lips, Jim nodded.   
  
"It was only logical," Spock said in a lecturing tone that Kirk was very much used to by now. "You would have done the same if you had your communicator on you, Captain."   
  
Jim let out a breath through his teeth. "It doesn't fucking matter. You made me look like an incompetent and irresponsible idiot who can't even be on time for an emergency briefing. Why the hell do you keep doing this? You know how hard I work to earn the respect of the crew!"   
  
Spock stared at some point above Jim's right shoulder. "It was not my intention to make you look incompetent, Captain. I merely did what is required of every first officer when the captain is out of reach."  
  
Jim huffed. "Right."  
  
Spock stood up. "If you will excuse me, I have to return to the Science Department to oversee the preparations."  
  
Not waiting for an answer, Spock left the room.  
  
Jim heaved a frustrated sigh. 

Dammit _._

 

  
*

 

  
  
"Sir," Sulu called. “Dropping out of warp in three—two—one—"  
  
On the forward monitor, subspace streaking gave way to—   
  
Jim gripped the armrests of the command chair as the starship shuddered and was jerked forward with incredible force. The emergency sirens went off.   
  
"Shields up! Red alert! Status report, Mr. Spock!" Jim yelled over them, his eyes glued to the viewscreen. A bright white light surrounded them as the ship was pulled towards a huge energy disturbance that really did resemble a lightning storm.   
  
"The anomaly appears to have grown significantly since it was first detected," Spock said evenly, annoying Jim to no end by his refusal to speak shorter and quicker even in an emergency. "That is why the Enterprise  appeared in the middle of it. Its gravitational pull is too strong to resist, Captain. The ship is being pulled towards the center of the anomaly."  
  
Jim threw him an incredulous look. "What, we can't do anything? Its gravitational pull can’t be stronger than the black hole's!"  
  
Spock's gaze was glued to the monitor, his fingers flying over the console. "We cannot, Captain. We are already in the anomaly, and its gravitational well is so great that it literally reaches infinity. I have never seen such a phenomenon." He shook his head. "What we did to escape the black hole's gravity will not work this time. We will merely lose the warp engines for nothing. "  
  
"What do you suggest?"  
  
"We have no choice but to allow the anomaly to pull us to its center. If we resist, the ship will be damaged beyond repair."  
  
Jim shuddered, remembering how the Enterprise's hull began cracking when they resisted the black hole's gravitational pull.  
  
"All right," he said, sighing, before raising his voice. "Mr. Sulu, stand by. Uhura, inform all departments of what's going on."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
The ship was quickly pulled forward, tossed about like a leaf in a hurricane, sheets of lightning filling the viewscreen completely.  
  
"We will enter the center of the anomaly in approximately two minutes and twenty seconds, Captain," Sulu said, his voice tight with tension.  
  
"Your opinion, Mr. Spock. What are we dealing with?" Jim asked, drumming his fingers on the armrest.  
  
"There is no sufficient data to make any—"  
  
" _Spock_ ," Jim growled. "I'm asking for your personal opinion, not a scientifically-proven theory. Are we in danger? Can we survive it?"  
  
After a short pause, Spock replied, "Given our decision to not resist, I do not believe that the ship will sustain severe damage. From what I have gathered so far, it seems to be a natural phenomenon curiously similar to a hurricane, which should be against all laws of physics. It is possible that we are being pulled into the so-called 'eye of the storm', a region of calm weather found at the center of strong tropical cyclones." He paused. "Of course, it is only a theory."  
  
Jim grasped the armrests tighter as she ship shook violently. It was kind of hard to believe that they were being pulled into  _safety._  "So you think we can just wait it out? We're not going to end up in some parallel universe like the Narada _?_ "  
  
"While it is possible, I do not believe so. There are certain similarities in characteristics of the anomalies; however—" He broke off as the ship rattled viciously again, tossing everyone from their stations. With a grunt, Jim got back into his chair and looked at the viewscreen.  
  
His jaw dropped. They were in a clear space surrounded by the wall of lightning.  
  
Jim licked his lips. "Status now, Mr. Spock?"  
  
"We appear to be in the eye, Captain. The eye is a roughly circular area and approximately sixty-four kilometers in diameter. We are surrounded by the eyewall, which—"  
  
"Captain, I'm detecting another ship!" Sulu exclaimed.  
  
Jim's head jerked to him, his heart beating like crazy. "What?"  
  
"Mr. Sulu is correct. The ship is twenty-six kilometers away," Spock confirmed after a moment.  
  
 _The Narada?_  Jim's first thought was. But no, of course not. The Narada couldn't possibly have survived the black hole.  
  
"What kind of ship?" he asked, his voice tight with tension. "Give me visual, full magnification, Mr. Spock."   
  
Everyone held their breath before the viewscreen was filled with the image of a ship.  
  
It wasn’t the Narada—thank fucking god. But, having a good look at the ship, Jim frowned.  
  
"The ship isn't Federation, is it?" he asked. The design was completely unfamiliar to him. It was a big ship, much bigger than the Enterprise. Their weapons looked menacing and unfamiliar – possibly more advanced than those on the Enterprise, as well. And, given their recent rough journey, if this ship was hostile, the Enterprise would likely be at a disadvantage.   
  
"It is..." Spock started before trailing off.  
  
Jim turned to him. "What?"  
  
Spock was staring at his monitor. "It is a Vulcan ship, Captain."   
  
Jim's eyes widened. As far as he knew, the Vulcan Fleet was almost non-existent now. The Narada destroyed all ships in orbit of Vulcan.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Spock nodded. "I am magnifying the hull. You can look at it yourself."  
  
Jim turned back to the viewscreen as Spock magnified the image even more. Now he could clearly see the words  _V.S.S T'Pau_  on its hull.  
  
"Vulcan Science Starship T'Pau," Spock said, his voice pensive. "There is no such ship in our universe, Captain."  
  
"We're in another universe?" Sulu asked uncertainly.  
  
"Not necessarily," Spock replied. "It is possible that we are in a neutral space and the other ship was simply pulled into the eye as well."  
  
"Captain, we're being hailed!" Uhura exclaimed.  
  
Jim sat straighter and schooled his features to seriousness rather than worry. "On screen."  
  
The bridge went unnaturally quiet as they all stared at the screen, waiting for the image to appear. And when it did, Jim's mouth fell open.  
  
He was looking at Spock— _another_  one. Unlike Ambassador Spock, this Spock was young, probably the same age as his First Officer. The new Spock was wearing a black uniform—of Vulcan High Command, Jim noted absent-mindedly—and was sitting behind a desk. He was also staring at Jim with a slightly baffled look on his face.  
  
No one said anything for a few moments.   
  
"Holy shit!" a voice off the screen said—a very familiar voice—before a face appeared over New Spock's shoulder. "It’s _me_!"  
  
Jim blinked a few times. He was looking at his own face, in his own blue eyes. But what shocked him most was that the other Kirk had his chin on Spock's shoulder, his hands resting on his upper arms, and Spock didn't even blink, as if the touches were no big deal.  
  
"Um… hi?" Jim said, utterly confused. He couldn't get over the fact that his other self was practically hugging another _Spock._  
  
"I presume you are from a parallel universe," New Spock said, still looking oddly at Jim. "You are the Captain of the USS Enterprise in your universe, I presume?"  
  
Right. He was the Captain. He was supposed to be professional in any situation.  
  
Jim cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. To whom am I speaking?"  
  
"I am Captain Spock of the  _VSS T'Pau_ ," Spock said before giving his Jim Kirk a pointed look. "And this is my  _First Officer._ "  
  
Smiling, Kirk rolled his eyes and put on a serious face, but Captain Spock didn't look overly impressed.  
  
"Lieutenant, please change the parameters of the video transmission," Jim heard his first officer say to Uhura before the Vulcan stepped to the command chair.  
  
Captain Spock and Kirk's gazes snapped to Spock.  
  
"I am Commander Spock, the First Officer of the Enterprise," Spock introduced himself.  
  
Kirk lost his serious face and grinned triumphantly at Captain Spock. "Nice! In that universe, I'm  _your_  captain, and you can't order me around!"  
  
Snorting, Jim muttered under his breath, "Sorry to disappoint, but he still orders me around. A lot."  
  
"Have you determined anything about the anomaly?" Spock asked their counterparts, ignoring Jim's words. As usual.  
  
Captain Spock inclined his head slightly. "We have been in the anomaly for three-point-one-six hours and have gathered some valuable data. If you wish, we can transfer the data to you."  
  
"Or, you can come on the Enterprise," Jim suggested. Now that he’d – somewhat – gotten past the sheer weirdness of their situation, he was curious about the other universe. From what Ambassador Spock had told him, Jim got the impression that being the Captain of the Enterprise  was his destiny or something. It seemed the old guy was wrong.  
  
"I do not think it would be prudent," Spock said from where he stood behind Jim's chair. "The storm may end any—"  
  
Kirk shook his head. "We've already determined that the storm will last at least another ninety-eight hours. We'll take a shuttle; it's risky to use transporters."   
  
"All right," Jim said. "We'll wait for you. You can bring a couple more people if you want. Kirk out."  
  
The viewscreen changed to the image of the T'Pau again.   
  
Jim exhaled. "Well. This was weird."  
  
Sulu chuckled. "Very astute, Captain."  
  
"Mr. Chekov, make a ship-wide announcement. We don't need anyone to have a heart attack seeing two Spocks and Kirks."  
  
Chekov beamed at him. "Aye-aye, Keptin!"

 

  
  
*

 

  
  
"Another Kirk and another Spock?" Bones grumbled under his breath. "God,  _why_?"  
  
Snorting, Jim leaned against the wall of the hangar bay. "Don't worry, Bones— it seems they aren't at each other's throats like we are."  
  
"We are not ‘at each other's throats,’ Captain," Spock commented from his other side.  
  
"Of course we aren't," Jim said. "You just hate my guts."  
  
"I do not harbor hatred towards your intestines," Spock replied, not looking at him. Jim had noticed that Spock didn't like looking at him—like, at all. Sometimes, thanks to Spock, Jim felt like he had leeches on the sides of his face or something.  
  
Uhura smiled at her boyfriend. "You know perfectly well what 'hating one's guts' means."  
  
Whatever Spock was going to say was lost as the shuttle they had been waiting for finally arrived. Feeling excited, Jim watched the hatch open and lower to the floor of the docking bay. A familiar figure stumbled out, muttering something about space diseases and bacteria, and Jim grinned. It seemed some things never changed, no matter what universe they were in.  
  
"Hey, Bones!" Jim said, stepping to him and patting him on the back.  
  
McCoy looked up at him. "Whoa. You look exactly like the brat. I didn't really believe it when they told me. And why the hell are you calling me 'Bones'? It's Len, Leonard McCoy."  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. Len? No one addressed Bones like that.  
  
"All right, Len, meet Bones," he said with a smile, stepping aside so that Len could see Bones. It was funny to watch them eye each other with identical grumpy expressions on their faces.  
  
"So much for my hope that I was smart enough not to get tricked by the brat into serving on his ship in  _your_  universe," Len grumbled, sighing. Bones just snorted.  
  
Len looked at Spock and Uhura. "And of course, you two are here too."  
  
Uhura's mouth fell open. "There's another me on your ship, Doctor?"  
  
"Yeah. We have you, Gaila, and some other girls from Communications—"  
  
"Gaila?" Uhura and Jim both said at the same time. "She's alive?"  
  
Len raised his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't she be alive?"  
  
"You mean," Jim said, licking his lips, "there was no Narada in your universe?"  
  
Len frowned. "Narada? That giant ship Vulcans retrieved from Klingons over a year ago?"  
  
Jim and Bones exchanged a look.  
  
"Doctor, do you mean," Spock said, "that, in your universe, the Narada never attacked Vulcan?"  
  
Len's frown deepened. "No. The crew was found on Rura Penthe, and they were transferred to a Federation prison for the Kelvin Massacre after the trial. I don't really know more details; don't have the clearance."  
  
Jim nodded, feeling slightly numb. "So Vulcan is still there, huh?"  
  
"Sure," Len said, then froze. "You mean in your universe...?"  
  
Jim shook his head slightly.   
  
"Oh," Len said, and glanced at Spock before looking away.  
  
Jim bit his lip, having mixed feelings about it. Sure, he was happy that in the other universe the destruction of Vulcan was prevented, but this meant that they could have done it  _better_ , that they could have saved Vulcan. From what Len had told them, it was obvious that the Narada had attacked the Kelvin in the other universe as well, but why were their universes so different from each other? What was the factor that had changed everything, saving billions of lives—Gaila, Spock's mother? What exactly had they done wrong in  _their_  universe?  
  
"Where are Spock and Kirk?" Uhura asked, breaking the tense silence.  
  
Len snorted, glancing at the shuttle. "Probably making out or something. Yesterday Jim was whining to me that he was white-knuckled with the strain of keeping his hands off Spock in public— What? Why are you all looking at me like that?”  
  
Jim stared at him.   
  
"Making out?" Bones repeated slowly.  
  
Len looked from Jim to Spock and back again, frowning. "You mean …you two aren't together?"  
  
Uhura laughed. "Of course not! Spock is my boyfriend, Doctor!"  
  
Len looked positively gobsmacked. "Really? That's— wow, that's weird."  
  
Jim finally regained the ability to speak. "They're…  _boyfriends_?" he managed.   
  
Len snorted. "Boyfriends? They've been married for eight years."  
  
" _What?!_ " Bones, Jim, and Uhura yelled.   
  
"I know, right? I had the same reaction when I found out they were bonded since their teens.” He shook his head. “Who the fuck gets bonded at seventeen?"  
  
"Len, I can hear you gossiping about me!" a familiar voice exclaimed, and they all turned to Kirk, who was emerging from the shuttle, his cheeks flushed and his lips pink and swollen. He also had a fresh hickey on his neck, and Jim blushed— _Spock_. Holy shit, in that universe Spock and he were together and happily married. Happily married _._  Was this some kind of joke?  
  
Len scowled at Kirk and stepped to him. "Tilt your head back," he said, pulling a dermal regenerator out of his pocket. "How often have I told you not to let the goddamn hobgoblin bite you?"  
  
Rolling his eyes, Kirk tilted his head. "Maybe I like it when he bites me," he said, smirking.  
  
Len scowled. "Too much information, Jim. At least tell him not to bite you where everyone can see. I'm a doctor, not a cosmetologist!"   
  
"We are all well aware that you are a doctor, Doctor," Captain Spock said, stepping out of the shuttle. Jim looked from him to Kirk's hickey, then back at him. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow at Jim, catching him staring. Jim felt himself blush and quickly looked away—only to find his First Officer looking at him disapprovingly.  
  
Jim sighed on the inside. What had he done wrong  _now_?  
  
Bones nudged him with his elbow, and Jim finally remembered his duties.  
  
"Welcome on board of the USS Enterprise," he said, forcing what he hoped was a natural-looking smile. "I'm sure everyone here knows everyone, so there's no need for introductions."  
  
Uhura chuckled, shaking her head. "Captain, we all still remember the last time you decided that there was ‘no need for introductions.’"  
  
"Yeah? What happened?" Kirk asked curiously, flashing Uhura a genuine smile. "It's good to see you, Nyota. Gorgeous in every universe, huh?"  
  
Uhura blinked, clearly taken aback. She opened her mouth to reply, but froze—Jim froze, too—when Kirk took Captain Spock's hand, two of their fingers entwining like it was perfectly ordinary for them.

Jim looked at his First. He was staring at their counterparts' entwined fingers with a strange expression. Bones had a pained look on his face.  
  
"Well, let's go?" Kirk said, widening his grin. When he seemed to get a clue that everyone was staring at their hands, he looked down, then looked at his husband—his fucking  _husband_ —with a frown. They didn't exchange any words, but Jim got the impression that they were somehow communicating. A moment later, they both turned back to Jim and his first officer.  
  
"From your reaction, we presume you are not bonded," the other Spock said.  
  
Before either of them could reply, Uhura chuckled awkwardly and stepped closer to Spock. "No, they're not. Spock and I are together."  
  
Kirk and Spock simply stared at her for a few moments before Kirk's face slowly turned red. Clenching his jaw, he looked at Jim. "A word."  
  
Captain Spock gave his husband a warning look, but Kirk seemed to ignore it, grabbing Jim's arm and dragging him out of the hangar. Jim let him, curious as to what his other self wanted to talk about.  
  
Kirk pushed him into the nearest empty room, closed the door, and turned to him. Huh. Jim hadn’t known he looked so hot when he was pissed off.  
  
"What. The. Fuck," Kirk gritted out, his hands on his hips. "Why the hell did you let Nyota—Nyota of all people—steal your man?"  
  
Jim blinked, then laughed. "Are you kidding? Spock isn't my ‘ _man_.’ Neither he nor I want him to be my man! We barely tolerate each other. And I thought you liked Uhura."  
  
Kirk huffed. "I like her fine, as long as she isn't fucking my Spock."  
  
Jim chuckled. "God, you’re crazy. I'm not you, and my First Officer isn't your Spock. We're completely different people. Spock is happy with Uhura, and I'm happy with— I'm happy being the  _Captain_  of my own ship."  
  
Kirk gave him a 'please' look. "Was it supposed to hurt my feelings? I wouldn't trade my life for yours for any money in the world. I'm the First Officer of the ship that is much more technologically advanced than the Enterprise—"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Kirk shrugged. "Well, it's true. I've seen your ship's specifications—it's a nice ship, but damn, you guys are missing out. And that's not the point. The point is that I have a brilliant, gorgeous husband I love and who I know loves me just as much, while all you have is this gold command shirt."  
  
Jim pursed his lips, starting to get pissed off himself. "What makes you think that I don't have a boyfriend—or girlfriend?"   
  
"Even if you do, it wouldn't be the same." His blue eyes were serious as he looked at Jim. "Look, Jim, I get it—it's your life, you have the right to screw it up. We're essentially the same person, remember? If someone tried to tell me how to live my life, I'd tell them to fuck off. But I'm not just  _someone_ ; I'm you. I know what's good for Jim Kirk. And from one Jim Kirk to another: you're making a big mistake by letting someone else have what can make you absolutely, ridiculously happy."   
  
He smiled, his expression becoming distant. "Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that it's always sunshine and roses. He drives me crazy in a good and bad way, but… It may sound sappy as hell, but I'm not gonna lie—I can't imagine my life without him, and I just want you to have this, too. Spock should be yours, not Nyota's."   
  
Jim shook his head. "Look, I appreciate this, I really do, but you're wrong. There's no such thing as destiny or 'meant to be.' It's just a bunch of social bullshit that doesn't exist. The future is unwritten.  _You_  are responsible for how things are in your life and how your life will turn out. Jim Kirk being the Captain of the Enterprise isn't a universal thing. Kirk and Spock's being together isn't a universal thing, either. I know a Spock from another universe and he wasn't involved with  _his_  Kirk—"  
  
Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Are you talking about Ambassador Spock?"   
  
"You've met him?"   
  
Kirk laughed out loud, his eyes shining with amusement. "Yeah; we met him half a year ago when he appeared in our universe. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Spock and I had gotten together so early in life. If he told you that they weren't together, he lied. They got together way later than us, but still, they  _were_  together."   
  
Jim's frowned. "But I saw his memories through a mind meld. There was nothing like that there."  
  
Kirk gave him an amused look. "Don't you know that Vulcans can hide what they don't want you to see? The Ambassador probably just didn't want to affect your timeline more than he already did."  
  
"But apparently you have no qualms about it,” Jim pointed out, rubbing his face. “Look, this conversation is useless. Spock's with Uhura. He doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't want me, and more importantly,  _I_  don't want  _him._  He hates me, and I hate him right back. I'd rather punch him than do him. End of story."  
  
Kirk pursed his lips, looking like he was trying hard not to laugh.  
  
"What?" Jim said, glowering at him. "What's so funny?"  
  
Kirk chuckled. "Nothing."  
  
"Right."  
  
Kirk shrugged. "Just a déjà-vu. ‘Cause you know, when we first met, I hated him, too. I was, like, obsessed— Wait. You two met at a chess tournament too, right?"  
  
Jim frowned. "A chess tournament? When?"  
  
Kirk stared at him. "2246?"  
  
Jim's lips curled, his stomach twisting into knots. "2246? No."   
  
Kirk eyed him pensively. "You went to Tarsus."   
  
Looking away, Jim nodded curtly. "And you went to a chess tournament and met Spock. Life’s a funny thing, isn't it? And in your universe, you still have Vulcan."   
  
Kirk frowned, his shoulders tensing up abruptly. "What? There's no Vulcan in yours?"   
  
"Nero escaped," Jim said shortly. "So no. We barely saved Earth."  
  
Kirk's face darkened. "Fuck—that's…" He bit his lip. "Red matter?"  
  
"Yeah. You know about it?"  
  
"Ambassador Spock told us about it, but he destroyed it before coming to Vulcan because he didn't want it to fall into wrong hands... What about Amanda and Sarek?"  
  
"Sarek's alive," Jim said.   
  
Kirk averted his gaze, his jaw working.

"Shit," he said breathlessly, looking shaken. "Amanda. She's like a mom to me. That's—Fuck. Poor Spock. He adores his mom.” He breathed in deeply and turned away from Jim. “Okay, I've gotta go. My Spock probably found out about it—he's blocking me and that’s never a good thing."   
  
He stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder. "Think about what I've said. Don't be stupid, Jim." Suddenly, he broke into a sly grin and winked at him. "Also, he's awesome in bed. You don't know what you're missing out on."  
  
Jim was left staring at the door as it closed behind Kirk.

 

  
  
*

  
  
  
Since they didn't really have anything to do but wait for the storm to end, almost everyone was on light duty. Only astrophysicists worked full shifts, observing the anomaly and studying the data the T'Pauhad gathered.  
  
That was why, instead of being on the bridge, Jim found himself sitting in the Officers' mess  _not_ watching Kirk kiss his husband.   
  
He couldn't believe they were doing it so openly. They were in a public place, for fuck's sake. Granted, there weren't many people here—only the two McCoys, Uhura, Spock, and Jim—and sure, they weren’t kissing the human way, but Jim knew perfectly well what the touch of fingers meant to Vulcans. Comparative Xenobiology had been one of his favorite classes at the Academy.  
  
Jim couldn't help himself and glanced at their fingers again before looking up. Kirk was eating a pear, his cheek pressed against Spock's shoulder, face flushed, eyes a little glazed over. Captain Spock was eating methodically, his face betraying nothing, but Jim didn't miss his dilated pupils. Blushing, Jim looked away, wondering if Kirk was doing it on purpose, just to show him how happy he was with Spock.  
  
"You know, we're kinda trying to eat here," Bones said with a pinched look.  
  
Len snorted. "Ignore them. They're just touch-starved." He took a sip from his coffee and hummed in appreciation. "This stuff is way better than that liquid shit Vulcans call coffee."  
  
"Touch-starved? They live together!" Bones said, frowning.  
  
"Compared to the way they were before assuming the command of the T'Pau, believe me, they  _are_  touch-starved. Just ignore them."  
  
"It's kinda hard to ignore them when they're practically making out four feet away," Bones grumbled.  
  
Jim stared down at his plate, part of him still unable to believe this was really happening. His counterpart was  _married_   to Spock. His counterpart was  _happily_  married to Spock— _Spock._  To basically the same person who constantly treated Jim like shit.   
  
On a purely physical level, Jim supposed he could understand—Spock was hot in an icy sort of way—but still. Marryinghim was too much. It was something Jim just could not understand no matter how hard he tried.  
  
"This is highly inappropriate and unacceptable behavior for a Vulcan," Spock said stiffly.  
  
Jim looked aside and found his First Officer eyeing his plomeek soup with uncharacteristic interest, his jaw clenched and his ears a bit green.  
  
Uhura, who was sitting next to her boyfriend, was silent, but her face was tense as she determinedly avoided looking at the couple.   
  
"It is perfectly appropriate for a bonded couple to show their affection for each other in a relatively private place," Captain Spock said to Spock, untangling their fingers. Kirk made a disgruntled noise.  
  
"It was not a mere display of affection," Spock said, his voice clipped. "Such behavior is vulgar and shameful for a Vulcan."  
  
Jim looked at him incredulously. Wasn't Spock the one who had kissed Uhura—who definitely was  _not_  Spock's bondmate—in front of Jim and Scotty? Pot, kettle, much?  
  
The other Spock raised an eyebrow. "May I inquire why you are so agitated by this? We are not among Vulcans."  
  
Kirk gave Jim's First Officer an assessing look before turning to his husband with a grin. "Ha, I saw this expression on your face years ago when you cock-blocked me with Reliya and started lecturing us about  _our_  inappropriate behavior in public. You were  _green_  with jealousy."  
  
"I was not," Captain Spock said.  
  
Kirk smirked and gave him a peck on the lips. "Come on, baby, you  _so_  were.”  
  
Bones and Len turned to each other and made identical gagging noises. Jim would have laughed at them if he weren't so baffled.  
  
Baby? _  
_  
He imagined calling his First Officer 'baby' and almost laughed out loud. Jim looked at Spock.  
  
His First was looking at the other Spock disapprovingly. "I cannot fathom why you allow him to refer to you as an infant," he said very evenly. "Furthermore, your bondmate is implying that I am experiencing jealousy, which is absolutely illogical. I am surprised you bonded yourself to an individual who is obviously not intelligent enough to comprehend that I am righteously ashamed—"  
  
"You  _will_  apologize," Captain Spock interrupted, and Jim felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.  
  
Kirk winced. "Look, Spock, leave it, I've been insulted worse—"  
  
His husband didn't look at him, his hard gaze still on Spock. "We are waiting."  
  
Spock pursed his lips before saying stiffly, "Very well. I apologize for insulting your bondmate."  
  
Captain Spock narrowed his eyes. "My bondmate has a name and you should apologize to him, not me."  
  
"I apologize if I insulted you," Spock said, looking at some point above Kirk's head.  
  
Kirk shrugged. "No biggie," he said nonchalantly, but his eyes were pensive as he stared at Spock. "Hey, can I ask you something?"  
  
Spock nodded with a wary look.   
  
"T'Pring died with Vulcan, right?" asked Kirk. His husband's gaze darted to him before shifting to Spock.  
  
Spock said nothing—just inclined his head. Jim saw Kirk and Captain Spock exchange a look.  
  
T'Pring? Who the hell was T'Pring?  
  
Jim looked at Uhura, but she seemed as confused as he was.  
  
"You're suffering from a broken link, aren't you?" Kirk said softly. "That's why you're so snappy."  
  
"How do you know this?" Spock said.  
  
Kirk snorted. "Are you kidding me? You're essentially the same guy I've been bonded to for years. My Spock had a bond with T'Pring, so you probably had it, too, and since, in your universe, we never met as teens, you were bonded to her most of your life and the bond must have been pretty strong. Fuck, it must feel awful. You know, if you want, I can help you ease the pain—"  
  
"No," his husband broke in, taking Kirk's hand in his own.   
  
Kirk rolled his eyes. "Spock, it's not like I'm gonna sleep with him or anything! Sure, he's cute and looks exactly like you, but—"  
  
"No," Captain Spock repeated firmly. "I know what you mean, but I will not allow him to meld with you."  
  
"Thank you for the offer, but I do not require your help," Spock said to Kirk before looking at his counterpart. "And please cease emitting territorial pheromones. I do not desire your mate."  
  
Kirk groaned and poked his husband on the chest. "Why do you keep doing that? You promised you would stop—I'm not your fucking property to  _piss_  all over."   
  
"Wait," Uhura said, her voice tight. Everyone’s eyes flicked to her – she was glaring at Spock. "You were bonded to another woman when we got together and you didn't say a  _word_?"   
  
A muscle in Spock's jaw twitched. "Nyota, you do not—"  
  
"Unbelievable," Uhura said through her teeth, and, getting to her feet, she marched out of the room.   
  
An awkward silence descended upon the room. Now both McCoys had pained looks on their faces. Spock stared down at the table, his face blank.  
  
"Oh," Kirk said, smiling sheepishly. "Was it a secret? Crap, I'm so sorry."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes, examining his counterpart. Somehow he doubted Kirk was sorry at all.   
  
Spock made a move to get up.  
  
"No!" Kirk exclaimed. Spock looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Kirk gave him a very genuine smile. Jim's suspicions only grew.  
  
"Don't go after her," Kirk said, his face a picture of concern. "Believe me, I know women. She doesn't want you to follow her. Give her time to cool down."  
  
Jim looked at him incredulously. What kind of advice was that? Of course Uhura wanted Spock to follow her and beg her forgiveness!   
  
"Very well," Spock said and sat back down. Captain Spock gave his husband a look, and Kirk smiled brilliantly at him before winking at Jim.   
  
Jim could only stare at him. Unbelievable _._ Fucking unbelievable.  
  
Spock turned to his counterpart. "I am required in the astrophysics laboratory. If you are finished, would you like to accompany me?"  
  
The other Vulcan nodded and looked at his husband. "Are you ready to go, Jim?"  
  
Kirk wiped his lips with a napkin and smiled. "Sure!"  
  
"You want to go with them? You _?_ " Bones said incredulously.  
  
Kirk looked genuinely insulted. "Hey, I'll have you know I graduated with honors  from the VSA. Yeah, I was on the Engineering track, but I still know plenty of stuff."  
  
"You graduated from the Vulcan Science Academy," Spock repeated, clearly surprised.   
  
"Jim finished the Academy in five-point-six years, setting a new record for an outworlder," Captain Spock said, looking at his bondmate with obvious pride.

It made Jim's stomach hurt for some reason.  
  
"Fascinating," Spock muttered, standing up.  
  
"You coming?" Kirk asked Jim.  
  
Before Jim could decline, his First Officer said, "The Captain does not enjoy science."  
  
The unsaid 'he's too stupid for that' hung in the air.  
  
Jim gritted his teeth, his face growing hot. Did Spock still think he was dumb? Maybe _he_ hadn't graduated from the VSA, setting a record or whatever, but he hadn't been the top of his class for nothing.  
  
He stood up, too. "I'm going," he said pleasantly to Kirk, not sparing Spock a glance.  
  
Kirk beamed at him, and, grabbing his husband's hand, tugged him to his feet. "Great! Let's go, then. See you later, guys!" he said to two McCoys, who grunted something in reply, and dragged his husband toward the exit.  
  
"Jim, I am perfectly capable of walking myself," Captain Spock said in an amused undertone, but he made no attempt to pull his hand away, letting his bondmate drag him.  
  
Jim and Spock followed them in tense silence, keeping a good distance between each other. 


	2. Chapter 2

  
After a few hours in the astrophysics laboratory, Jim was beginning to hate his counterpart.   
  
He was painfully aware that he looked like an incompetent idiot compared to Kirk and was regretting that he hadn't taken Advanced Astrophysics at Starfleet Academy and hadn’t given the astrophysics laboratory more than a passing look before.   
  
Sure, Jim understood everything the others were talking about, but what he wanted to say, Kirk said better, more eloquently.  Jim was far from being stupid, but it was obvious that Kirk was…well, Jim wouldn't go so far as say that Kirk was smarter, but he was definitely more knowledgeable than him when it came to Astrophysics and everyone in the room—Spock—could see it. Not that he wanted to impress Spock or anything… except, he kind of did.   
  
He wanted to  _prove_  to his First Officer that he wasn’t a dumb cadet who’d just lucked out, but  _Kirk_  seemed to be the one doing the impressing. The way Kirk talked to two Vulcans and monopolized their attention rubbed Jim the wrong way, making him feel like an outsider; like he was inadequate, somehow a lesser Kirk. Jim hated it, and he hated that he hated it. He liked to think that he was above petty jealousy, but apparently he was wrong.   
  
Also, now that there were only the four of them in the room, the other Kirk and Spock were even more affectionate with each other, which made Jim even more irritated. But despite it, he couldn't help staring at them and knew that Spock was watching the couple, too. His First Officer was more discreet, but Jim still caught him looking at them from time to time with a strange expression on his face. Since Jim was far from being an expert on Spock's non-expressions, he had no clue what Spock was thinking.   
  
The couple was doing nothing obscene—a touch to the elbow, a hand on Kirk's waist, Kirk leaning back against his husband—but the affection, the  _intimacy_  in their gestures spoke volumes, and was somehow more shocking than the Vulcan kiss they had seen in the officers' mess.   
  
It was glaringly obvious that the two were absolutely in love with each other. Jim had never looked at anyone the way Kirk looked at his husband, and he never thought that one day he would see a Spock looking at a Kirk like that—like he was the most fascinating thing in the world.  
Watching them weirded Jim out, but he couldn't keep his eyes away from them.  
  
"It's weird, isn't it?" Jim said to Kirk while the Vulcans were in the other part of the laboratory.  
  
"What do you mean?" Kirk said absent-mindedly, making notes on his PADD. He adjusted the glasses on his nose.   
  
Jim waved his hand vaguely. "All of this. That we met each other. It could be any ship, but… It's just weird."  
  
Kirk looked up at him, his face thoughtful. "Well, the T'Pau was sent to observe the anomaly for the same reason the Enterprise was—because we were afraid that it was something like Nero. I don't think it's that weird that we met."  
  
Jim shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but still…It's odd."  
  
Kirk eyed him for a few moments before looking over at the Vulcans. "Maybe it's fate," he said with a barely noticeable smile.  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "Fate? I don't believe in fate."  
  
Kirk hummed something noncommittal before returning his attention to his PADD, but Jim didn't miss the mischievous smile playing on his lips.   
  
Jim narrowed his eyes. "About that advice you gave to Spock—" he started, but was interrupted when Captain Spock walked over to them.   
  
"Jim, have you seen these readings? This part of the anomaly behaves most curiously," he said to his husband, handing him a PADD.  
  
Jim hurriedly walked away from them. He felt a little uncomfortable in Captain Spock's presence. The Vulcan made him feel like he knew everything about him, and Jim wasn't sure he liked it. Also, thanks to his First Officer, Jim had no clue how to communicate with this Spock, who did  _not_  treat him like shit.

 

  
  
*

 

  
  
It had been decided that their counterparts would stay for the night—it was pointless for them to return to their ship because a science conference was scheduled for the next morning. Since there were no married couples on the Enterpriseand the double room next to Jim's quarters was unoccupied, it was only logical, Spock had said, to offer the room to Kirk and Captain Spock. Yes, _logical._  

Right now Jim wanted to shove his stupid logic up Spock's ass.  
  
Sighing in frustration, Jim buried his head under the pillow. It didn't work; he still could hear what was going on in the room next to his with far too much clarity. Before tonight, Jim had thought the bulkhead was soundproof—it was supposed to be soundproof—but apparently, it wasn't. Tomorrow he would find the son-of-a-bitch responsible for this and give him a big dose of captainly fury.  
  
 _"Fuck yeah… mmm…Spock…oh fuuuck."_  
  
Jim scowled. Seriously, it was like a bad porn movie. He was ashamed on his counterpart's behalf. Kirk sounded like he would die if his husband stopped fucking him. Jim had never,  _ever_  behaved that way during sex, and he sure as hell wasn’t planning to. He liked to think he had  _some_  self-respect left.   
  
 _"Ahh—fuuck—Spock—"_  
  
Seriously, was Spock's dick  _that_  special? Surely not. And it was ridiculous to get so worked up during sex with the guy one had been married to for eight years. Weren't they supposed to have boring sex? Weren't they supposed to have _logical_  sex? Jim had always thought that Spock would be boring and cold in bed. Not that he gave it much thought. Obviously.   
  
 _"Yeah…fuck—shit, I don't bend this way, Spo— mmm—almost there— the fuck? Give it back!"_

_"Beg," Spock said._  
  
Jim told himself that it did  _not_  turn him on, but his cock disagreed. Well, it wasn't like he could help it. He was listening to porn, after all.  
  
 _"Fuck you," Kirk croaked._  
  
Jim nodded in approval. Spock was an arrogant fool if he thought Jim Kirk—any Jim Kirk—would beg for anything, much less for his dick.  
  
 _"I am losing my patience, Jim."  
  
Kirk heaved a frustrated groan. "All right, fine!"  
  
"Inadequate."  
  
"Move, you son-of-a-bitch—"  
  
"Inadequate."  
  
"I hate you right now—ahh—Fine, fuck me. Please. Please. Fuuuuuck—love you—love you—mmm—"_  
  
Jim cringed. Ugh. This was downright embarrassing.

He couldn't listen to this anymore. He wanted to get some sleep, damn it. Why the hell did  _he_  have to listen to this and not the  _logical_ fucker, who was probably sleeping like a baby?  
  
Scowling at the thought, Jim dragged himself out of the bed and stomped into Spock's quarters through their shared bathroom, not bothering to knock.  
  
His First Officer was not sleeping like a baby.

He was sitting on the floor in a meditation pose, his eyes closed, but he opened them the second the door slid shut behind Jim. Spock raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Captain," he said evenly, his gaze on Jim's face. "May I inquire why you are in my quarters at this hour wearing nothing but your underwear? I do not recall inviting you."  
  
Jim blushed slightly, realizing that he was only in his boxers and had the beginning of a hard-on.   
He shrugged, but his voice couldn’t disguise his annoyance. "It's your fault," he said, looking around for something to cover himself with. His gaze lingered on Spock's science shirt carefully folded on a chair. He walked over to it and slipped it on. If he wasn’t so sleep-deprived, he probably wouldn’t do it, but right now he sort of didn't give a flying fuck.  
  
"I presume you are upset because of our counterparts."  
  
Jim whirled around to face him. "Oh, really? How did you guess?"  
  
"Vulcan hearing is much more acute than human hearing," Spock said flatly, staring strangely at Jim—no, at his  _shirt_  on Jim—probably feeling disgusted that Jim was wearing it. Well, fuck him. Jim wasn't going to stand in front of him in his underwear.  
  
"I'm staying in your room," he said, striding to the bed. "It was your brilliant idea to put them in the room next to mine. You can go to mine and sleep in there. If you can."  
  
He flopped down on the bed on his belly and closed his eyes. Christ, he was exhausted _._  Tired and horny and conflicted. It was a hell of a state to be in at two o'clock in the morning.  
  
"Captain, please remove yourself from my bed."  
  
"No," Jim muttered. "It's your fault I can't sleep in mine, so you can just deal. And it's not like you're using the bed anyway."  
  
"Captain, this is highly inappropriate—"  
  
"You know what's inappropriate, Spock? Listening to some people—who happen to be  _you_  and  _me_ — having sex for  _hours._ I learned way too much about you than I ever wanted to know."  
  
"They are not you and I—"  
  
"DNA would disagree with you."  
  
Spock pursed his lips. "Captain, Vulcans require some amount of sleep, as well."  
  
"Go to your girlfriend. I'm sure she'll let you sleep in her bed. Maybe you can have obnoxiously loud sex, too."  
  
Spock did not speak for a few moments.  
  
"Lieutenant Uhura and I are… at odds."  
  
Jim snorted. "Right. I forgot. But I'm not leaving. If you need sleep that badly—which I don't believe, by the way—we can share."  
  
"This is unbecoming—"  
  
"For fuck's sake, Spock, I don't have cooties and my illogicalness isn't catching! Now shut up, would you? I'm sleeping already."  
  
Thankfully, Spock went silent, and Jim drifted off a few minutes later.  


 

At first, he wasn't sure what had woken him up. A sound – soft, barely audible. He held his breath, straining his ears. It felt like someone—and it could only be Spock—was looming over him. Jim felt a warm breath brushing against his neck. Suddenly, Spock took a sharp intake of breath and quickly pulled away from him.   
  
"Captain?" he said quietly. Jim didn't answer. He didn't know how he was supposed to handle this situation—he wasn't even sure what the hell Spock had been doing. It was easier to pretend to be asleep, so Jim did his best impression of being dead to the world and soon, he really did fall asleep.  


 

When he woke up the next time, Spock was nowhere in sight. Yawning, Jim dragged himself out of bed and headed to the bathroom. After finishing his morning routine, he left his quarters and walked over to Kirk and Spock's room. Ignoring the buzzer, Jim pounded—obnoxiously loud—on the door.  
  
After about a minute or so, it slid open, revealing Spock wearing nothing but his black uniform pants.   
  
"Captain Kirk," he greeted him, raising an eyebrow inquiringly.  
  
Jim quickly looked away from his bare chest up to his face and realized that he had forgotten why he was there.  
  
"Who is that?" a familiar voice mumbled from somewhere under the sheets. "Tell them to fuck off, and you, come back. I want a blowjob."  
  
Right.  _That_ was why he had come here.  
  
"Get your ass out of bed," Jim said to Kirk. "I need to talk to you."  
  
A tousled head appeared from under the sheets. Kirk gave Jim a sleepy glare. "Oh, it's Captain Me. What do you want?"  
  
"A word."  
  
Kirk yawned. "Can't it wait?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You're just jealous that I was going to get a blowjob."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," Jim said, glancing at Spock and blushing when he caught his eyes.  
  
"And stop ogling my Spock," Kirk said, narrowing his eyes. "You have your own Spock to look at."  
  
Jim opened his mouth then closed it. His face was so hot it felt like on fire.  
  
"Captain, you may come in. Jim, cease embarrassing the Captain." Spock walked back to the bed and started dressing. After a moment of hesitation, Jim stepped inside, and the door slid shut behind him.  
  
He made sure to avoid looking at Spock. Instead, he looked at Kirk, who was still sprawled on the bed completely naked. It was weirding Jim out to see his own body unabashedly on display in the presence of Spock. He reminded himself that these Spock and Kirk had been bonded for eight years, but it only weirded him out further.  
  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Kirk asked, yawning and finally sitting up. Jim tried hard not to stare at the bruises, scratches, and bite marks that were all over Kirk's skin.   
  
"I wanted to talk in private."  
  
Kirk shrugged. "You can talk now. Spock doesn't count."  
  
Rubbing at the back of his neck, Jim darted a look at Spock. "Um…"  
  
"I shall leave you alone," Spock interrupted.   
  
Jim wondered why this Spock was so awesome all around and why  _his_  First Officer was so impossible. Walking over to Kirk, Spock leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "I will see you at the conference,  _ashayam._ "  
  
Kirk sighed and pulled him down for another kiss.  
  
After an excruciatingly long minute, during which Jim stared at his boots, they finally broke apart.  
  
When Spock left, Kirk turned to him, looking noticeably more alert and cheerful. "Well?"  
  
"You did it on purpose, didn't you?"  
  
Kirk climbed out of the bed. "What are we talking about here?"  
  
Jim's jaw tightened. "Don't give me bullshit, you know what I mean. Last night. All those over-exaggerated moans and groans—you did it on purpose, to show me how much I'm missing out on, right?"  
  
Kirk gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me? Not everything is about you."   
  
He disappeared in the bathroom.  
  
Jim followed him. "I don't believe you. No one moans like that during sex!"  
  
Chuckling, Kirk stepped under the sonic shower. "Sorry about your sex life, then. And really, believe whatever you want to believe. I could care less about you when I'm having sex with Spock. Is that all? God, and I could have been getting a blowjob instead of listening to this crap. Get a life, seriously."  
  
"It's  _you_  who needs to get a life! It's you who’s trying to do this stupid matchmaking thing. You thought I wouldn't notice it? Uhura and Spock are at odds because of you, and don't tell me you didn't do it on purpose!"  
  
Kirk stepped out of the shower and started brushing his teeth.   
  
"So? It's not like they're in love," he said around his toothbrush before he removed it to rinse.  
  
"How do you know this? Maybe they are!"  
  
Kirk sighed. "I just know, all right?"  
  
Snorting, Jim crossed his arms over his chest. "Share your wisdom with me, then."  
  
Kirk met his eyes in the mirror. "How long have you known your Spock?"   
  
Jim didn't have to think for long. "It's been about six months since we've met."  
  
Kirk chuckled, wiping his face. "Six months… and I've known Spock since I was thirteen—so for about twelve years now, eight of which I spent sharing my mind with him. I  _get_  Spocks, all right? It doesn't matter that your Spock is a different person; he's still Spock. So believe me when I tell you that he isn't in love with Uhura. If he were, I wouldn't have been so insistent. I'm not a dick."  
  
"Why should I care if he's in love with Uhura or not? For the last time, I'm  _not_  interested in Spock."  
  
Smirking, Kirk winked at him. "Me thinks someone doth protest too much."  
  
Jim rolled his eyes. "You're impossible."  
  
"I know." Kirk smiled and went back to the bedroom. He dressed, and they left for the conference room.   
  
When they were halfway to it, Kirk halted, getting a distant look on his face. “Hold it.”  
  
"What?" Jim asked, but Kirk didn't answer.  
  
Finally, his gaze cleared. "The conference is delayed. Some new data needs to be taken into consideration. The T'Pau'sastrophysics asked for a little more time." He pulled Jim towards the nearest turbolift. "Let's go to the gym. Spocks are there."  
  
Frowning, and wondering why his  _own_  crew hadn’t informed him, Jim followed. "Hey, actually I wanted to ask—you can somehow communicate with your husband, right?"  
  
Kirk nodded. "We can talk through the bond, even though Spock partially blocks me most of the time because apparently I'm so _distracting._ " He smiled.  
  
Stepping into the turbolift, Jim ordered it to deck eight. "Isn't it weird to have someone in your head all the time? I don't know about you, but I like my privacy."  
  
"Yep, it was a little weird at first, but the sex more than made up for it." Kirk grinned. "I have two words for you: double orgasms."  
  
Jim stared at him, his jaw slack. "You mean you feel it when he comes?"  
  
Kirk nodded with a smile. Before Jim could ask more questions, the turbolift doors slid open onto Deck 8.  
  
"Room C," Kirk said, looking around.  
  
"This way," Jim said, and they fell into step beside each other as they made their way towards it.  
  
When they entered the room, they found Spocks circling around each other. As the Vulcans turned to them, Jim realized that he had no idea which Spock was his, since both of them were wearing identical black workout outfits that probably belonged to his first officer.  
  
"Captain," said one of them to him, his voice icy. Jim snorted on the inside. Yeah, it was definitely his Spock.   
  
"Commander," Jim said and shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly remembering that strange thing from last night. His first officer's face was completely inscrutable, and Jim wondered if it had been just a very vivid dream.   
  
Kirk rolled his eyes. "'Captain', 'Commander'," he said, mocking them. "Seriously! This 'Captain' shit should be allowed only in bed." He grinned at his Spock. "Right?"  
  
His husband raised an eyebrow. "Jim, it is their own business how they address each other. And do I need to remind you that you have called me worse?"  
  
"Oh, come on, I was thirteen _._  They're grown-ups, but they act like kids!"  
  
Captain Spock's lips twitched. "I believe there is a saying about a pot and a kettle that is very much appropriate here."   
  
Kirk stuck his tongue at him.  
  
"Very mature, Jim," said Captain Spock, his eyes glimmering with amusement. "And you are only proving my point."  
  
Kirk grinned. "You don't love me for my maturity."   
  
Feeling a little uncomfortable, Jim cleared his throat. "Why did you stop? Don't mind us. Go on."  
  
Kirk nodded in agreement, and two Vulcans turned back to each other.   
  
"Wait," Kirk said, frowning. "You look like twins. It'd be hard even for me to tell who is who."  
  
Jim thought for a moment, then pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket. Walking over to his first officer, he reached for his arm, but Spock jerked it away.   
  
"What are you doing, Captain?" he said, eyeing the handkerchief like it was a poisonous snake.  
  
Jim rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, Spock, I just want to tie it around your wrist. It's clean, I swear."  
  
Spock was silent for a few moments before nodding slightly. Jim stepped closer to him and tied the handkerchief, feeling weirdly clumsy all of a sudden. Spock's body was so rigid Jim could have easily mistaken him for a wax figure.   
  
Finished, Jim quickly stepped away from Spock and joined Kirk, who was smirking for some reason.   
  
"Aww, you gave him a token of affection," he simpered.   
  
With an eye-roll, Jim decided to just ignore his counterpart. He felt sorry for Captain Spock. No one deserved to be bonded for life to such an impossible brat.  
  
Stepping back from the mat, Jim wondered why they were so different. Sure, essentially Kirk was the same person, but he seemed...younger, a little more carefree than Jim, and had that air about him—the air of someone who was loved and spoiled all his life.  
  
The Vulcans started sparring, and wow, they were  _fast._  Jim had never seen reflexes like that, and the bridge incident didn't count—he was too busy being beaten up to notice such things. The way they moved was completely mesmerizing—beautiful _._  
  
"It's hot, isn't it?" Kirk said, sounding a little breathless. "They look so hot."  
  
Jim didn't want to agree, but if he was honest with himself, watching them spar turned him on a little—all right,  _a lot_ , but hey, it was only normal, with all that testosterone in the air.  
  
Jim's Spock delivered a perfect hook to Kirk's Spock, making him stumble a little, and Jim said, "Nice!" before he could stop himself. He flushed when Spock—damn his Vulcan hearing—darted him a look.   
  
Kirk snickered.  
  
"Cheering for your man?" he teased, nudging Jim with an elbow.  
  
"Fuck off," Jim said, his face still a bit hot.  
  
He was probably imagining it, but it seemed his First Officer started moving even faster than before.  
  
"Huh," Kirk muttered. "He's showing off."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Your Spock. He's showing off. My Spock isn't trying hard, but yours really, really wants to win. He's showing off for you."  
  
Jim snorted. "Right. You're just bitter that my Spock is winning."  
  
Kirk smirked. " _Your_  Spock? Oh, really?"  
  
Jim’s face grew even more heated. "Shut up."  
  
"Wow, I didn't know I was so cute when I blushed— Ah, they finished." Kirk strode to them, and Jim followed.   
  
"Hey, where did you learn to spar like that?" he asked his first officer, while Kirk was off making fun of his husband for losing.  
  
"Vulcans are taught martial arts since childhood," Spock replied, letting him untie the handkerchief.   
  
"You did a great job," Jim murmured. Spock's eyes flickered with something resembling satisfaction.  
  
"I am aware," he said.   
  
They stared at each other for a few seconds before moving their gazes to Captain Spock and Kirk, who were…kissing. With tongues involved.  
  
Licking his lips, Jim snapped his gaze away and accidentally caught Spock's eyes. They quickly looked away from each other.   
  
Well. Awkward.  
  
Jim forced a chuckle. "Isn't the honeymoon stage supposed to be over by now?"  
  
Spock glanced at the couple before looking back at Jim. "Not necessarily. Vulcan bonds only strengthen with time, Captain."  
  
Jim blinked, amazed. It was practically the first time in months that Spock shared information with him willingly and with no condescension in his voice.  
  
Jim flashed him a smile, feeling ridiculously pleased that Spock was actually talking  to him. But Spock quickly turned away, making Jim’s face fall.  
  
Right.

 

  
*

  
  
After leaving the gym and having a quick breakfast, Jim and Spock accompanied their counterparts to the shuttle bay, since they needed to return to their ship for a little while to check on their astrophysicists' progress before the conference.  
  
"Hey, do you want to come with us? Look around the ship?" Kirk suggested when they reached the shuttle. Jim looked at Spock inquiringly, but the Vulcan was looking the other way. Shrugging, Jim accepted the invitation for both of them.

They climbed into the shuttle, and, in no time, they were on the T'Pau _._  
  
"Welcome on our ship," Kirk said with obvious affection and pride.  
  
He had a good reason to be so proud of the ship.

The T'Pau was beautiful in its own way. It was very different from the Enterprise—more elegant, more science-oriented, more...Vulcan. Sure, there were a lot of Humans aboard—156, Kirk had told them—but it was obvious that the ship was Vulcan. It was strange for Jim to see so many Vulcans aboard, and the thought that Kirk had to work with them was even weirder. Jim couldn't get along with a single Vulcan on his ship and couldn't imagine commanding hundreds. It made him look at his counterpart with new eyes.   
  
It was interesting to watch Kirk's transformation when he stepped on the T'Pau _._  The childishness was gone, replaced by something that intrigued Jim. While Kirk's face was serious and calm as he talked to Vulcans in fluent Vulcan, it wasn't that he stopped smiling altogether—because he didn't. There was just something about him, the air of quiet authority that had not been on the Enterprise _._  He just seemed… in his element, and it was quite obvious that the crew—even Vulcans—respected their First Officer. Jim was a little jealous—he wasn’t delusional to think that  _all_  of his crew respected him. He’d been working hard to earn their respect, but he knew there was still a long road ahead.  
  
When the tour reached the Captain's quarters, Jim's jaw went slack as he saw his belongings mixed with Spock's. Before now, it hadn't really sunk in that the other Spock and Kirk were sharing their lives.   
  
"My apologies for the untidiness," Captain Spock said, picking up a pair of jeans from the deck and giving Kirk a look. Kirk smiled and blew him a kiss.  
  
"No worries," Jim said, looking around. There were pictures on the bulkheads. Most of them showed Kirk, grinning from ear to ear and holding Spock's arm. In some pictures they looked much younger than now, reminding Jim once again that these Kirk and Spock had known each other for half of their lives.  
  
There were also pictures with other people: Len and Kirk, smiling at the entrance of the Vulcan Science Academy that didn't exist in Jim's universe anymore; Sarek and a beautiful woman— _Amanda_ —wearing official-looking clothes. But a picture that made Jim's breath catch was of Kirk, Spock, and Amanda. The picture was clearly old, since Kirk still had the boyish look about him. This Kirk had an arm around a grinning Amanda; Spock, wearing a thick sweater, stood behind them with his hands on their shoulders, his eyes smiling.   
  
His first officer stepped beside him, staring at the picture, too, and Jim gave him a sidelong look.  
It took Jim a moment to recognize the strangeness of Spock's expression: his face was completely unguarded, eyes full of pain as he eyed the picture. Jim had to swallow the sudden lump in his throat.  
  
He touched Spock's wrist. "You okay?"  
  
Spock nodded, jerking his hand away.  
  
"That was my eighteenth birthday," Kirk said from behind them, and Jim turned around.   
  
"Eighteenth birthday," he repeated, his lips curling into a crooked smile. He spent his eighteenth birthday drunk under the table of the cheapest bar he could find.  
  
"Vulcans do not celebrate birthdays," Spock said, his voice unnaturally even and face emotionless once again.  
  
Kirk looked at his husband with a smile. "I know. But when I started living with them, Amanda and I teamed up and persuaded Spock. Since then, we've celebrated every birthday." He chuckled. "Of course Sarek refuses to participate in this 'illogical tradition', but he's still there every time, pretending he’s having a regular meal while we're having a celebratory dinner."  
  
Something flickered in Spock's eyes. "Fascinating."

Kirk lost his smile as he looked at him. "I'm sorry," he said softly and reached out to touch his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Spock stood very still, his shoulders stiff, but he didn't shrug off Kirk's hand. Jim's eyes flickered to Captain Spock, but the Vulcan's face was carefully blank. Jim looked back at Kirk's hand on Spock's shoulder, trying to ignore the strange feeling in his stomach.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Spock said stiffly.

"I'm not apologizing," Kirk said, looking at the picture of Amanda. He swallowed. His voice was a bit thick as he said quietly,

"I grieve with thee."

Spock nodded briskly, and without any explanation, strode out of the quarters.  
  
Jim blinked, watching him go.   
  
"Go after him," Kirk said, his eyes serious.   
  
Jim looked at Captain Spock, who just nodded solemnly. Jim hesitated for a few moments before leaving the room.

 

  
  
*

  
He caught up with Spock when the Vulcan stepped into a turbolift. "Hey, wait for me, would you?" he called. Spock pressed a button, holding the doors open.  
  
Jim stepped inside, a little out of breath. "Thanks."  
  
Spock's face was blank as he said, "What do you wish, Captain?"  
  
Jim bit his lower lip, not knowing what to say. He'd followed Spock on an impulse and he had no idea why he'd done it. They weren't friends; weren’t remotely close. Jim was probably the last person Spock would want to have a heart-to-heart with. Spock definitely wouldn't want to talk about his  _feelings_  with him.  
  
The silence was becoming awkward. Jim frantically tried to think of something to say.  
  
"About last night," he tried.  
  
Spock's body visibly stiffened beside him.   
  
"I do not understand what you are speaking about, Captain," he said flatly, but Jim  _knew_  that he was lying. Huh. He was getting better at understanding Spock's non-expressions.  
  
"That thing you did last night… Did you... Did you  _sniff_  me?" Jim said, watching the Vulcan's reaction. Spock's left hand clenched into a fist by his side, but his face stayed blank.  
  
"I did no such thing."  
  
"I was there, too, Spock."  
  
Spock said nothing.  
  
Jim shook his head with a huff. "It wouldn’t kill you to  _talk_  to me once in a while, you know. Why do I always have to pull every word out of you?"  
  
"I do talk to you, Captain. In fact, at the moment I am—"  
  
"Oh for heaven's sake, Spock, just don't, all right? Anyway, Kirk is right: we're a command team, and we should address each other by first name. You called me Jim on the Narada, remember?"  
  
Spock's expression shifted slightly. "I do."  
  
When Spock didn't say anything else, Jim sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "You know, sometimes I feel like such a failure. Other Kirks were able to win their Spocks over, and only I can't."  
  
"We are not them."   
  
"No, we aren't, but I'm not talking about destiny or any malarky like that. I'm talking about the fact that in both alternative universes we've encountered, Kirk and Spock  _get_  each other—to say the least—which proves that we aren't completely incompatible; that we have a potential  to be a good team, maybe even friends. Don't you want that, too?"  
  
Spock didn't say anything, just stared at some point above Jim's left ear.  
  
"And for fuck's sake, would you  _look_  at me when I'm talking to you?" Jim snapped, grabbing Spock's shoulders and shaking him, only to find that it was like trying to move a wall.   
  
"Step away from me, Captain," Spock hissed out, his eyes flashing.  
  
"Or what?" Jim said, tilting his head. "What are you gonna do to me?"  
  
"Step. Away. From me," Spock grated out.

Jim felt a thrill run along his spine as he leaned even closer to his first officer.

Spock's nostrils flared.   
  
"What is it, Spock?" Jim whispered, their faces just a few inches apart. "Why do you hate me so much?"  
  
"If you do not step away from me now," Spock said, "you will be the one responsible for the consequences."  
  
Leaning closer, Jim hissed, "I'm not scared of you, Commander."  
  
And before he could move, Spock was crushing his lips against Jim's in a bruising kiss. Jim's eyes widened, his mind going on overload. 

_Spock_  was kissing him.

Spock, his first officer who hated him, was _kissing_  him, teeth nipping and drawing blood. What the—   
  
The kiss ended as suddenly as it started. Spock jerked away, his eyes burning with such intense hatred, self-loathing, and anger that Jim stepped away.   
  
"That is what you will get if you do not keep away from me," Spock said, his voice rough. "Is that understood, Captain?"  
  
Jim nodded dumbly, completely at a loss for words.   
  
"Computer, the shuttle bay," Spock ordered curtly, turning his back to Jim, and the turbolift started moving.

As soon as the doors opened, he strode away.   
  
Jim stared blankly at his first officer’s retreating back and touched his stinging lips.


	3. Chapter 3

  
A five-minute shuttle ride to the Enterprise won, hands-down, the title for the most awkward ride of Jim's life.

The tension was so tangible that even Vulcan astrophysicists seemed to sense it and kept looking between him and his first officer. Kirk's awkward attempts to engage everyone in conversation did nothing to dissolve the anxious atmosphere.   
  
The moment the hatch slid open, Jim made his excuses and strode to Sickbay.   
  
"Bones, he kissed me!" Jim blurted out the moment he saw his friend.   
  
"Who?"  
  
 _"Spock!"_  
  
McCoy snorted. "And?"  
  
Jim blinked a few times. "Bones, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm healthy as ever, Jim," McCoy said, examining the tricorder in his hands.  
  
"Then why aren't you freaking out?"  
  
"Maybe because I'm not 'Bones'?"   
  
Jim frowned. "Len? Why are you wearing Bones' uniform?"  
  
McCoy sneered. "Obviously it's a part of my evil plan. I killed the other McCoy so that I could take his place. Now I will have to kill you too, because you discovered my evil plans."  
  
"Ha-ha. Very funny, Len."  
  
"I'm a funny guy—ask anyone who knows me. So your hobgoblin kissed you?"   
  
"Yeah," Jim sighed, leaning against a biobed. "I don't understand. Why’d he do it?"  
  
"Well, isn't it obvious? You don't need a lecture about the birds and the bees, kid."  
  
Jim chuckled. "No, it's not that, Len. Spock hates me. And he has a girlfriend. It doesn't matter that they're at odds."  
  
Len rolled his eyes. "I hate to break it to you, but the fact that he has a girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean that he can't like you ‘that way.’"  
  
Jim shook his head. "Spock doesn't like me. He thinks I'm an idiot."  
  
McCoy snorted. "Again—if he doesn't like you, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want you. Do I need to tell you that guys often think with their dicks rather than their brains? And yeah, even Vulcans. Believe me, after a few months on the T'Pau, I know firsthand that the rumor about Vulcans' asexuality is total bullshit."   
  
Jim smirked. "Firsthand, huh?"  
  
Len scowled, blushing slightly. "I'm their  _doctor_."  
  
"Right.” Jim craned his neck around Len. “Anyway, where's Bones? You didn't really kill him off, did you?"  
  
"He's still hung over," Len said, rather smugly. "I drank him under the table last night, so I took pity on him and reported for duty. It’s funny that no one noticed I'm not him."  
  
"Yeah, funny." Jim rubbed his forehead. "So... You really think Spock wants me? Despite having a hot girlfriend?"  
  
Len shrugged. "Who knows what's going on in his head? I dunno about your Spock, but our Spock had no qualms about deflowering an  _underage_  Jimmy Kirk—and Spock was  _bonded_  to that T'Pring girl at the time."  
  
Jim's mouth fell open. "Really? Spock was Kirk's first?"  
  
Len looked like he'd swallowed something bitter. "It's far from being my favorite topic of conversation, but yes, at least with males. According to Jim, who doesn't understand the meaning of 'too much information' – neither of you, apparently – he fancied himself straight, but Spock's magical dick converted him. Goddamn hobgoblin’s unbelievably smug about the fact that he was Jim's first, no matter how hard he tries to hide it." Len sighed. "And this conversation is now over—otherwise I’ll lose my appetite." He stood up.  "You coming with me?"  
  
Jim hesitated, thinking about the probability of seeing Spock in the mess hall, then shook his head. "I'll go to the bridge."

 

  
*

  
  
Jim hadn't come up with any sensible explanation of Spock's behavior in the two hours he had been on the bridge. The only thing he'd acquired was a headache, which did nothing to improve his mood before the conference.

He was immensely grateful that scientists were blind to everything but science and didn't seem to notice how distracted he was, because no matter how hard he tried not to think of Spock, his weird behavior (the  _kiss_ ), and concentrate on the subject, Jim just couldn't, acutely aware of his First Officer's presence to his left. 

Spock was unusually quiet, too, barely participating in the discussion.   
  
"...will last approximately twenty-three standard days..."  
  
Jim's eyes darted to Captain Spock. "Wait, what? Twenty-three days? You mean the storm?"  
  
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow at him. "Indeed. After gathering more data, we had to revise our estimate."

 _Is your hearing sufficient, sir?_ Captain Spock didn't say the words, but his raised eyebrow said it all.  
  
Jim blushed, feeling everyone's gazes on him.

Kirk looked between Jim and his first officer, his eyes narrowed.  
  
"But we can't stay here for three weeks," Jim said with as much dignity as he could muster. "We have a mission—a very important diplomatic event—scheduled next week."  
  
"There is no cause to worry," Captain Spock said. "We are 97.63 percent certain that usual temporal laws are not applicable in the eye. I am positive that we will hardly lose any time when we emerge from the anomaly."  
  
Jim frowned, thinking. "Are you sure that we'll get back into our own universes when the storm ends?"  
  
"Quite," the Vulcan replied, and launched into a detailed scientific explanation that Jim would have had trouble following even if he wasn't so distracted. Even Kirk seemed to be having trouble keeping up, but Jim suspected it was for an entirely different reason if the way Kirk was looking at his husband was any clue.  
  
Despite his distraction, Jim did his best to concentrate on the meeting when the topic changed to the samples of Vulcan flora and fauna the T'Pau was willing to provide—because that was the stuff that mattered, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let a simple kiss distract him from it.  
  
When they wrapped up the meeting, it was late by the ship's time, and it was  _logical_ , Kirk insisted, if they stayed for the night—again. Forcing a friendly smile, Jim could only concede.  
  
After getting the Vulcan scientists settled for the night and having a late dinner in the mess hall, Jim went to his quarters, hoping that tonight he would get some decent sleep.  
  
The moment he stepped into his room, his hope vanished. Jim sighed in frustration at the unmistakable sounds of sex coming from behind the bulkhead. He'd read in some article that married couples were supposed to have sex once or twice a week. Clearly Kirk hadn't read that article or just didn't get the memo.  
  
Taking his uniform shirt off, Jim looked at his bed and sighed again. There was no point in getting into it. He wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.  
  
He looked around, his gaze lingering on the bathroom door.

Jim hesitated.

He knew he couldn't avoid Spock for ages; as a command team, they couldn't continue like that. They had to talk it out. It was bad for the ship if its commanding officers didn't communicate with each other.  
  
And to be honest, he was sick of all of this—sick of trying to guess what was going on in Spock's mind, sick of Spock's bizarre behavior.  
  
He was the goddamn Captain of the Federation flagship. If he couldn't even face and demand answers from his own First Officer, then what the hell was he doing in the command chair?  
  
Setting his jaw, Jim strode to Spock's quarters, and, finding the door locked, punched in his override code.  
  
He froze, seeing Spock sitting on the bed, still wearing his uniform, his legs bent at the knees and head back against the bulkhead. He looked so  _human_  that it took Jim aback.  
  
Spock turned his head and looked at him, his face blank.  
  
"Captain, you are currently in violation of Starfleet Regulation 13F-L2. You cannot use the Captain's override code for personal purposes, sir," he said coldly, assuming a cross-legged position in one fluid motion.   
  
Jim stepped inside the room. "I want to talk."  
  
Spock didn't even blink. "Then talk. Sir."  
  
Jim stared at him, feeling at a loss for words. He hated this detached attitude. Even Spock's anger was better than this—hell, even Spock kissing him was better than this.  
  
"I want to know what's going on."  
  
Spock's face was still infuriatingly blank. "There are many events happening in the universe at the moment. What in particular do you wish to know?"  
  
Jim glowered at him. "Don't you dare—You know what I mean, Spock."   
  
"Clarify."  
  
"You. Kissed. Me."  
  
Something shifted in Spock's eyes. "That was a mistake. I assure you it will not happen again."  
  
Jim looked at him incredulously. "That's it? You aren't going to give me any explanation?"  
  
"You are correct; I am not going to. However, I apologize for my previous behavior. It was highly unbecoming of me."  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "Apologize? For what— being an ass? For kissing me? For cheating on your girlfriend?"  
  
A muscle in Spock's jaw flexed. "You chose a very unfortunate moment to confront me. My control was not ideal for… other reasons."  
  
Jim huffed. "So it's somehow my fault again, huh? And I guess you're an innocent—and completely faithful—Vulcan who was forced into kissing his big, bad Captain."  
  
"You do not understand," Spock said stiffly, looking away.  
  
Jim chuckled harshly. "I think it's the first time I agree with you, because yeah, I don't understand!" He stepped closer to the bed. "I don't understand, because you don't talk to me at all! Why the hell do you keep doing this, Spock? Every time I take a step forward, you take two steps back— _every_  goddamn time. If you tried, even a  _little_ , we could be on friendly terms, but you just don't want to."  
  
Spock said nothing. Gritting his teeth, Jim flopped down on the bed and leaned closer to him, forcing Spock to look at him.

Spock's whole body tensed. "Vacate my bed, Captain," he said very evenly.  
  
Jim leaned even closer. "No." He smiled as Spock's stony mask cracked, anger flashing in his eyes. "Am I pissing you off? Good. Looks like you lose your poker face only when I'm up close and personal with you. What is your  _problem_  with me? Why did you even apply to my ship if you can't stand me?"  
  
"Remove yourself from my bed immediately. Captain."  
  
"I'm not moving until we have a talk."  
  
"You will move away from me,” Spock grated out. “I have warned you."  
  
Jim smiled, their faces only three inches apart. "You have, and I don't care.  _Anything_  is better than beating against this wall of silence.  _Talk_  to me, for fuck's sake."  
  
Spock closed his eyes briefly. "If you do not cease your actions immediately—"  
  
Jim snorted. "What? You gonna kiss me again?"  
  
Spock just stared at him, his breathing irregular. 

Jim eyed him for a few moments, then smiled slowly, for the first time feeling like he had the upper hand. It was a good feeling. "Is that why you hate me so much, Spock? Because you want me more than you want your girlfriend? Because your dick likes me better? You’re pretty pissed about that, aren’t you?"   
  
Spock's jaw worked.

Jim leaned in and whispered in Spock's ear, "Do you close your eyes and think of me when you fuck her?"  
  
"No," Spock snapped, his hot breath brushing Jim's face. "I would never betray Nyota like that."  
  
"Oh really?" Jim whispered, tilting his head to the right, and leaned upward so that their mouths were almost touching. Spock's scent filled his nostrils. Jim breathed in, breathed out. "Are you one of those guys who think that kissing doesn't count as cheating?"  
  
"My relationship with Lieutenant Uhura is none of your concern and I have no intention of discussing it with you," Spock bit out, but he didn't push Jim away. He seemed to be frozen in place, unable to move.  
  
Jim glanced down and licked his lips. Spock's pants were bulging almost obscenely. Spock was hard. Holy fucking Christ, Spock was  _hard._  For him.  
  
"So it's true, huh?" Jim murmured, feeling a jolt of excitement and arousal rush through his body. "I was right— you want me. You probably feel so guilty about it, don't you, Spock?"  
  
"Cease talking," Spock hissed before pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Jim's jaw line. He immediately drew back, as if he hadn't intended to do what he'd just done, his hands trembling slightly. Spock clenched them into fists, an odd sort of desperation crossing his face.  
  
Pulling back, Jim eyed him with a frown. He hadn't seen Spock looking like that since the incident on the bridge. Spock looked like he was at the point of breaking and beating the crap out of him—or fucking him into the bed. Yeah, it made Jim hot, but it also really weirded him out. Spock never had expressions like that on his face. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong.  
  
"It's something you can't really control," he said slowly, "and you hate it, and me because of that. Right?"  
  
Spock said nothing, looking away.  
  
"What is it?" Jim asked, his voice losing its malice and becoming softer. "Come on, tell me. I promise I won't be an asshole about it. Maybe we can work it out together."  
  
He started to think he wasn't going to get any answer when Spock finally spoke, "I do not know."  
  
Jim frowned, staring at Spock's profile. "You don't know?"  
  
Spock closed his eyes. He looked almost like he was meditating. Finally, he spoke quietly, "It is… distasteful… that I let my baser instincts take over. I am... dismayed by my lack of self-control. I will speak to Nyota in the morning and admit my misconduct."   
  
Jim stared at him, his insides doing a little flip-flop. "Look, what's going on? Please, tell me in clear words. I don't understand anything anymore!"  
  
Spock turned to look at him with something very dark in his eyes.  
  
"I do not understand anything anymore, as well," he said, voice rough. "Before the destruction of Vulcan, I could ignore my physical attraction to you with no difficulty."  
  
Jim's mouth fell open. "What? You were attracted to me since the disciplinary hearing?" He rubbed his forehead, sighing. "Okay. All right. Look, I appreciate that you're finally talking—I really do—but start at the beginning, okay? I promise not to interrupt you."  
  
Spock took a deep breath, then another one. "Shortly after Vulcan's destruction, I began experiencing odd symptoms in your presence—aggressiveness, sexual arousal, fascination with your scent—"  
  
"What?"  
  
Spock gave him a sharp look. "You promised, Captain."  
  
It took an incredible force of will to keep his mouth shut. Jim gestured for Spock to continue.   
  
"Needless to say, it was… disconcerting, since I am in a relationship, and am content with that relationship. I attempted to suppress those…feelings, to ignore you, to avoid you, but nothing appeared to work. I attempted to research the matter, but it was fruitless, since the Vulcan databases were lost." Spock looked away.  
  
When it was clear that Spock wasn’t going to say anything else, Jim pressed forward tentatively. "Okay, I get it—actually, no, I don't get it, but let's pretend that I do… So the bridge incident was triggered by this aggressiveness thing?"  
  
Spock's jaw tightened. "Partly."  
  
Jim frowned. "So why did you apply to my ship if you wanted to avoid me? Because of Uhura?"  
  
"Nyota may have been a contributing factor, but she was not the main reason.” Spock took a deep breath. “I was persuaded by my older counterpart. He told me that I would find a friend in you, and I concluded that these symptoms were temporary if we were to be friends. I concluded that they were caused by my emotionally compromised state after Vulcan's distraction."  
  
"But they weren't."  
  
"Indeed, they were not."  
  
"So you avoided me and were an asshole to me only because of that thing?"  
  
"I was not—" Spock started, but when Jim gave him a pointed look, reluctantly said, "Affirmative."  
  
Jim thought it over for a few moments. "So all we have to do is find out what that thing means and how to get rid of it." A thought crossed his mind. "Hey, does Kirk make you feel weird, too?"  
  
Spock hesitated. "Negative. His presence is somewhat…unsettling, since he resembles you in appearance, but that is all."  
  
Jim nudged Spock's knee with his own. "Could you ask Captain Spock if he knows something about it? If he went through the same thing, he probably researched it, and the Vulcan databases are still there, in their universe."  
  
Spock looked down at Jim's knee touching his. "I do not think he can provide any useful information. In his universe, Vulcan has never been destroyed, and this started only after the destruction of Vulcan. Also, I have no desire to speak to him."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I find it disturbing to speak to him about personal matters."   
  
"Why? He's you."  
  
"He is not me, Captain. We are completely different individuals. He is more open about expressing his emotions than I will ever be, and that is hardly surprising, considering that he has been highly influenced by his human bondmate since his adolescent years."  
  
"Um, yeah," Jim said absentmindedly, not sure what he was agreeing with. "Right. Er… you should probably stop doing—"  
  
Spock gave him a puzzled look. Jim looked pointedly at Spock's hand stroking his thigh.

His cheeks tinged green, Spock pulled his hand away, looking at it with dismal eyes before glaring at Jim as if it was somehow his fault.   
  
Jim gritted his teeth. In Spock's book,  _everything_  seemed to be his fault.  
  
"You said you were attracted to me before the destruction of Vulcan," he said, somewhat tightly.   
  
"It is not relevant at the moment," Spock said. "It was a simple physical attraction. I am a healthy male and you are very aesthetically pleasing. Also, your stubborn determination to take the Kobayashi Maru over and over intrigued me."   
  
Jim stared at him, then smirked. "You had the hots for me before you’d even met me? I didn't know you were so shallow, Spock."  
  
Spock leveled him with a look. "There is no reason to be gleeful, Captain. Your physical appearance is the only thing I find attractive about you, and it is illogical to take pride in something in which one had absolutely zero input in determining."  
  
Flushing, Jim glowered at Spock. "And so you’re back to treating me like shit. It's not my fault you have a weird thing for me! You think I'm not sick of this? You think I  _like_  being pissed on by my First Officer only because he's got a boner for me and hates me because of that? For fuck's sake, Spock, try to put yourself in  _my_  place— at least I'm trying to do the same for you! And you know what, I don't care that you don't want to talk to your counterpart, because you will. I'll make it an order if I have to. Is that understood, Commander?"   
  
Spock eyes flashed. "Do not order me."  
  
Jim's jaw dropped. He narrowed his eyes. "Pardon? Remember to whom you're speaking, Mr. Spock. I can and  _will_ order you, because I'm your Captain, and you're my  _subordinate_ , and you better show me some resp—"   
  
He yelped as he found himself flat on his back, his arms yanked above his head and Spock's heavy body pinning him down into the mattress.   
  
Jim stared up at Spock, wide-eyed.   
  
His cool-headed, logical First Officer didn't look like he had a single logical thought in his head right now. He actually had an  _expression_  on his face, and that expression was of pure want and something else—something animalistic Jim couldn't quite place.   
  
Aggressiveness? No kidding.  
  
Jim licked his lips. "Get off me," he said, trying to ignore that he was hard as a fucking rock.  _Way to go, Kirk._  
  
"I am not your  _subordinate_ ," Spock hissed out and bit at his neck, an unmistakable hardness pressing against Jim's hip.   
  
"You will  _not_  order me," he continued, sucking and nipping on Jim's neck.   
  
Holy fucking hell _._  
  
Swallowing back a moan, Jim took a deep breath. "Get off me," he said firmly. "We're going to Captain Spock. I don't care how late it is, or if they're still having sex. Something's wrong with you and you need help, Spock— Goddammit, stop giving me hickeys! You're with  _Uhura_. Still remember Uhura?"   
  
Spock's body went rigid. After a few seconds, he rolled himself off Jim and sat up with his back to him. Jim heard Spock take a deep breath, then another one.   
  
"Indeed. Something is wrong," he agreed flatly before he stood up.  
  
Jim sighed, partly in relief and partly in disappointment, and got out of the bed. Spock looked more or less like his usual self—except he had an impressive bulge under his trousers. Jim tried hard not to stare.   
  
"Let's go," he said, and not waiting for Spock, strode out of the room.   
  
The corridor, thankfully, was empty. Jim knocked on the familiar door and waited, trying to will his hard-on away, but the fact that Spock was practically breathing into his nape wasn't helping.  
  
Finally, after a few minutes, the door was opened by Kirk, who looked very sleepy and a little annoyed.  
  
"What?" he muttered, rubbing at his eyes. "We just went to sleep."  
  
"We need to talk to your husband," Jim said. "It's very urgent."  
  
Kirk glanced over Jim's shoulder at Spock. His eyebrows furrowed.   
  
"Come in," he said slowly, letting them in. "Spock, we have guests," he said louder and started dressing. Jim looked curiously at his first officer, but he didn't seem interested in Kirk's half-naked body.   
  
"What is the matter?" Captain Spock asked. Jim turned to him, and then licked his suddenly dry lips. The Vulcan looked ridiculously hot in his black boxers and nothing else.  
  
Jim heard a growling sound before Spock—his Spock—jerked him to his side and hissed, "Cease looking at him."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes.  "Stop ordering me around," he snapped, pulling his arm out of Spock's grasp and stepping away from him.   
  
Their counterparts were mostly dressed when Jim looked back at them.  
  
"So, what's up?" Kirk asked, pulling a black tee over his head.   
  
"Something's wrong with Spock," Jim said bluntly and, before Spock could interrupt him, quickly told everything he knew to their counterparts, ignoring his First’s disapproving look.  
  
When he finished, Kirk didn't even bother to pretend that he wasn't delighted, and his husband gave him a stern look before turning to Jim and Spock. "Most curious," he said. "I have not encountered this problem—"  
  
"I told you that he would not know anything of relevance," Spock cut him off, his tone biting.   
  
"Never mind him. Go on," Jim told the other Spock, ignoring his own Spock.  
  
"I have not encountered this problem," Captain Spock repeated, eyeing his counterpart curiously, his nostrils flaring as if he was sniffing something. "However, I did experience similar symptoms that, while not as overwhelming, caused significant threat to the stability of my bond with T'Pring. Since I already had a bondmate, the Elders considered my fascination with Jim to be considerably abnormal—"   
  
Kirk snorted at that.  
  
"—and I received extensive mind-training to control myself better and strengthen my bond with T'Pring."   
  
"Did it work?" Jim asked.  
  
Kirk grinned, taking his husband's hand and entwining their fingers together. "Does it look to you like it worked?"  
  
"However," his bondmate continued, stroking Kirk's wrist with his thumb, "it seems your problem is of a different nature, since adult Vulcans should be able to control a strictly physical attraction, no matter its strength. Usually, by the end of adolescence, our minds are highly disciplined and we are in full control of our bodies."   
  
He looked at his counterpart straight in the eye and added in a strange tone, "To my knowledge, there is only one exception."  
  
Spock's breathing hitched. He shook his head. "No. I started experiencing these symptoms since the destruction of Vulcan, which was six-point-two months ago. If it was the case, I would have been long dead."  
  
Jim frowned. What the hell were they talking about? He opened his mouth to ask when he had a sudden flash of memory—Ambassador Spock's memory—and then he  _knew_.  
  
Captain Spock inclined his head. "Your logic is sound. If it is not the case, I may be able to help you. As I said, I received advanced mind-training from the best mind adepts of Vulcan. If you allow me to meld with you, I am positive I can determine the source of your problem."  
  
Spock didn't look like he liked the idea, but after a few moments, he nodded and walked over to his counterpart.   
  
The mind-meld they shared lasted only for a few seconds, but Jim knew from experience that it could be hours for the Vulcans. When they broke the meld, Captain Spock looked a little shaken and Kirk stepped to him immediately, putting a hand on his arm.   
  
"I am well, Jim," his husband said to him, kissing him on the temple before looking at his counterpart. "I believe I have determined the cause of your fixation on Captain Kirk. Your  _t'khart_ —the part of the Vulcan brain that usually activates only during the Time—"  
  
"Do not speak of such matters in front of outworlders," Spock interrupted him.  
  
The other Spock raised an eyebrow. "My bondmate is not an outworlder. Moreover, he is well aware of the matter, since it would be illogical not to inform him of it, and Captain Kirk—"  
  
"—already knows about pon farr," Jim cut in, rolling his eyes. Seriously, why did Vulcans make such a big deal about it? It was even a little funny in its resemblance the plot of those fuck-or-die chick flicks.  
  
When everyone stared at him, Jim shrugged. "I shared a meld with Ambassador Spock. Apparently, some of his memories accidentally transferred to me."   
  
His first officer pursed his lips.  
  
Captain Spock only nodded, even though he looked a little uncomfortable, before looked back at his counterpart. "As I was saying, your  _t'khart_  is unusually active, and, while it is not as active as the one of a Vulcan in his pon farr, it is not entirely inactive, as it is should be. Since the symptoms appeared only after the destruction of Vulcan, it is quite obvious that the near-extinction of our species triggered your biological imperative to procreate—"  
  
"It is illogical. Captain Kirk cannot carry a child," Spock interrupted. "And I already have a perfectly adequate companion."  
  
"Your body does not care that he cannot carry a child," his counterpart said. "Were T'Pring alive, you would be drawn to her, because, unlike myself, you had a stable bond with her. However, since T'Pring perished, you are drawn to the individual your body finds most desirable—Jim, since he is your  _t'hy'la_ —"  
  
Spock took a sharp intake of breath. "It cannot be true," he said, his voice clipped. Jim frowned, confused. "He is a human, and I am a half-Vulcan. The odds of such a rare—"  
  
"Oh, not  _this_  again," Kirk groaned with an eye roll.  
  
"What the fuck are you all talking about?" Jim demanded, sick of being the only person in the room who had no clue of what was going on.  
  
"Nothing," his first officer said curtly. "It is completely irrelevant to the subject at hand." He looked at the other Vulcan. "I wish to know how to make it stop. I am in a satisfying relationship with an admirable person, and I do not need any additional burdens. I am a sentient, logical being, not an animal driven by the urge to mate. I am fully capable of deciding my own destiny and of making my own choices."  
  
Kirk heaved a sigh. His husband gave Spock a long look. "I do understand your reasoning, but you are mistaken if you think that following this path will mean that you are not the creator of your own destiny anymore.  _T'hy'la_  only means someone who is absolutely compatible with you—a perfect bondmate—but billions of individuals live in contentment without ever finding their  _t'hy'la._  I am positive that if you choose to take Nyota Uhura as your bondmate, you will have a pleasant life."   
  
Kirk looked genuinely hurt, and his husband squeezed his hand before continuing. "She is quite a compelling individual. I do not doubt that you can have a satisfying relationship with her, but I must tell you that if you made an effort to know Jim, you would never contemplate choosing her over him."   
  
Blushing slightly, Kirk gave a chuckle. "Not that I'm not touched, but you're the one to talk. You were a jerk to me! Don't you think it's awfully hypocritical of you to give this advice?"  
  
Spock's lips twitched. "Negative. I merely do not wish for him to repeat my mistakes."  
  
Jim stared at them, then laughed out loud. "So you're saying that I'm a perfect bondmate, the  _One_  for Spock? You've got to be kidding me!"   
  
Kirk smiled. "I know, right? I couldn't believe it when T'Pau declared that we were  _t'hy'la._ "  
  
Jim frowned, putting pieces of information together. "Wait. So you mean you got together only because someone  _told_ you that you were perfect for each other? Because that's—"  
  
Kirk looked at him incredulously. "What? No! We didn't even know that we were t'hy'la when we started sleeping together. It was just a convenient excuse for us to keep fucking with the Council's blessing. Sure, we didn't exactly  _love_ each other when we were bonded—love came much later—but we were ridiculously smitten—obsessed—with each other."   
  
"I wish to know how to make it stop," Spock cut in stiffly.  
  
"You cannot simply 'make it stop,'" his counterpart said, shaking his head. " _T'khart_  is the only part of body a Vulcan cannot control. If it were possible, no one would experience pon farr. To my understanding, there is only one solution."  
  
The Vulcans stared at each other.   
  
"No," Spock said. "There is no guarantee that after engaging in sexual relations with the Captain"—Jim's eye's widened—"my  _t'khart_  will return to normal. It is a unique case. There are no known precedents."  
  
"Actually…I think I remember…" Kirk said suddenly, looking thoughtful. "I've read about similar cases during the course of my biology research—about Vulcans who had a similar problem when all members of their clans died at the same time, for whatever reason. Their situations weren't completely the same, but they all were fixated on one person, too."  
  
Kirk smiled a little, looking at his husband. "I still remember how hard it was to convince T'Pau to give me access to the Council's archives. I'm lucky she's got a soft spot for me."  
  
"You are delusional, Jim," Captain Spock said, his lips twitching. "T'Pau most certainly does not have 'soft spots' for anyone."  
  
"You're just jealous that she loves  _me_." Kirk grinned at him before turning to Jim's first officer. "As far as I remember, the Elders concluded that the only solution was 'not to interfere'—in other words, let them fuck it out of their system."  
  
Jim sighed exasperatedly. "Well, that's  _great_  and all, but the question is, why is no one asking  _my_  opinion?"  
  
Kirk raised his eyebrows. "What's there to ask? I know you won't refuse to help him out. All you have to do is have sex with a hot guy.  _And_  you'd get a normal working relationship with your First Officer in the end. It's a win-win."  
  
Jim opened his mouth to protest when Kirk turned to Jim's Spock. "So what do you think?"  
  
"I am in a relationship with Lieutenant Uhura. I have no intention of ending it merely because of… biology."  
  
Kirk sighed, running a hand over his face. "Look, you don't have to break up with her. Talk to Uhura and explain the situation. Honesty is very important in a relationship—you saw how badly she reacted when she found out about T'Pring. So be honest with her. If she really loves you, she'll understand that your attraction to Jim isn't your fault, that it's a matter of biology and nothing more. If she loves you, she'll support you in this difficult situation."  
  
Jim looked at him incredulously. Did Kirk know women at  _all_? No woman would be happy if her partner told her that he wanted to fuck someone else, biology or not. Jim couldn't believe how Kirk could say that with a straight face—and make it sound very logical and convincing, no less.  
  
"I cannot ask this of her," Spock said.   
  
"I am afraid you do not have a choice," Captain Spock said.

Jim looked at him with a frown.   
  
"What do you mean?" Spock asked, his shoulders stiffening.   
  
His counterpart looked grim. "The situation is quite dangerous. If the  _t'khart_  remains active for an extended period of time, it will cause damage to the brain that may be irreversible. During the Time, if a male fails to mate, it will cause his death. While you are not at your Time and your  _t'kart_  is not as active, your brain has been damaged, if minutely. I do not think it will lead to your death, but there is a ninety-two-point-six percent probability that it will cause more widespread brain damage. There are already signs. Have you noticed lapses in concentration and memory, unexplainable fatigue, mood swings—perhaps even inability to regulate your internal systems as well as you were once able to?"  
  
Spock went very still before nodding slightly.  
  
Captain Spock frowned. "It will only get worse. I do not think I have to tell you how important the brain is to a Vulcan. If you do not take necessary measures, soon you will lose your eidetic memory and the ability to control yourself completely—perhaps even lose your telepathic abilities."  
  
"How can you speak with so much certainty?" Spock said, his voice clipped. "You are not a mind-adept."  
  
Captain's Spock eyes clouded. "You can trust that I know what I am speaking of. I spent two years having my mind examined, probed, and studied by every mind-adept of Vulcan. I received full mind-adept training and was taught by T'Pau herself. I regret to tell you this, but you indeed do not have a choice. I am not speaking lightly."  
  
Spock swallowed visibly, before saying, "There is another option. I can leave for New Vulcan. There is a… very small possibility that the Elders will be able to help me. I cannot be the only Vulcan affected—in fact, I am certain I am not. Five-point-one months ago, I was contacted by my father and he inquired about my health. At the time I merely found it out of character, but now it is quite obvious what the purpose of his inquiry was."  
  
Jim frowned. "To do that, you’d have to resign from Starfleet, because you don't have accumulated leave time—no one does."  
  
Spock said nothing, not looking his way.  
  
"You are being illogical, Spock," Kirk said, matching Jim’s frown with his own. "The Elders have much bigger problems on their hands. I'm sure that they didn't even bother looking for a solution because, from their point of view, the  _t'khart_ is only ensuring your species' repopulation, which is what they need. For fuck's sake, even when there was no need for repopulation, they concluded that the only solution was not to interfere. You would leave Starfleet for nothing— how is that logical? The  _logical_  thing is to do what has to be done. Just tell her everything, and if she really loves you, she'll support you."  
  
Spock stared blankly in front of him, his jaw clenched.  
  
"Very well," he said finally. "I shall speak to Nyota."

He turned on his heel and left the room.  
  
Pursing his lips, Jim turned to Kirk. "I know what you're trying to do — no, shut up. Maybe Spock is emotionally stunted when it comes to relationships with humans and doesn't understand that his girlfriend won't be  _supportive_  when he suggests this  _logical_  solution, but I'm not! You just want them to break up."  
  
Kirk opened his mouth to say something but closed it when Jim glowered at him. "I've had enough. I don't want you on my ship, got it? I'm sick as hell of your meddling, manipulation and interference, you spoiled, cold-hearted asshole—"  
  
"That will be  _enough,_ " Spock said icily, stepping in front of his stony-faced bondmate. "We will leave your ship within an hour, Captain Kirk."  
  
Jim swallowed under his hard gaze. He'd been on the receiving end of this look more times than he cared to count, but there was one difference: this Spock was protecting his Jim Kirk.

 

  
  
*

  
  
  
Spock locked the door behind Captain Kirk and turned around to look at Jim. He could feel Jim's emotions through their bond, but he did not need the bond to know Jim was distressed. The way his shoulders were slumped and his usually bright and vibrant eyes were clouded were difficult to miss.   
  
Walking over to the bed, he sat down beside Jim, and, with a soft sigh, tugged him into his lap. Jim let him, burying his face in his neck.   
  
Wrapping his arms around his bondmate, Spock let his mental barriers down, letting their minds mix—something he did not do often, because he could barely concentrate on anything else.  
  
"He's right," Jim muttered into his neck. "I did a few things I'm not proud of."  
  
Spock said nothing. When Jim was in such a mood, the most prudent course of action was to let him talk.   
  
"I like Nyota, I really do. I don't want to hurt her, but…" Jim sighed. "You think I ruined their lives, don't you?"  
  
Spock nuzzled his hair. "You did not ruin their lives. The situation was already in place. They are all adults and can handle the matter."  
  
"But you still think I shouldn't have meddled in their lives. Admit it."  
  
"I merely think that if our counterparts are to be together, they will arrive at that conclusion, without your assistance."  
  
Jim sighed again. "I know. It just bugs me that you're with someone else in this universe. I hate it – I  _hate_  it, okay? You're mine. Mine."  
  
Spock stroked his back. "Jim, you do realize that according to the theory of probability, there are universes where we are not together and never will be?"   
  
"Fuck the theory of probability," Jim muttered into his neck. "You don't believe in destiny? I didn't believe in destiny, but think of the way we met against all odds and the infinitesimal likelihood of us being _t'hy'la_ – yet we're together, and our counterparts from the original universe were together, too." He lifted his head to meet Spock's gaze, his blue eyes serious. "Maybe we met this Enterprise for a reason, you know?"  
  
"I do not believe in destiny," Spock said, looking Jim straight in the eyes. "But I believe in your ability to make me fall in love with you."  
  
Blushing, Jim grinned and looped his arms around Spock's neck. "You're turning into a sap, babe."  
  
Spock felt his lips twitch. "I assure you I am not."   
  
Jim stared at him for a moment before kissing him, hard and needy.

It was two-point-three minutes before Spock made himself tear his mouth away.  
  
"I do not wish to be seen as complaining—" he began hoarsely.  
  
"They're idiots," Jim declared, as if it explained everything. Perhaps it did. "Fuck ‘em," he said with a smile, running his fingers through Spock's hair, then kissed him again, and again, and again. "God, I  _love_  you."  
  
Spock kissed his back, tugging at Jim's plush bottom lip and wondering if it was normal that, after eight-point-five-seven years together, he still felt like he could not get enough of his bondmate.   
  
"You know when I realized that I loved you?" Jim said suddenly, licking Spock's lip.   
  
"You have never told me."  
  
"I realized it when you gave me that book on Surak's teachings for my eighteenth birthday—'cause it must be love if I didn't hit you in the head with that dull book."  
  
Puzzled, Spock pulled back and raised an eyebrow. "Jim, you said you were happy to get the book, and I felt it through the bond."  
  
Jim chuckled. "And I  _was_  happy to get the stupid book, and it clued me in that I was stupidly in love with my bondmate."  
  
"Indeed?" Spock said softly, feeling the familiar warm sensation in the region of his heart— _it's happiness, you silly,_  Jim told him through the bond, smiling at him.  
  
"Indeed."   
  
Looking at his grinning face, into his warm blue eyes, Spock thought of his counterpart, of the anger and pain in his mind, and never felt more grateful in his life.  
  
  
  
* * *

 

  
  
"I'm coming, coming," Jim grumbled, rolling out of the bed and dragging himself to the door. Yawning, he opened it.  
  
And froze.  
  
"Captain." It was Uhura.  
  
Fuck _._  Knowing Spock's straightforwardness, he’d probably talked to her already, but how was  _Jim_  supposed to talk to her? Sure, it wasn't his fault that her boyfriend had a weird thing for him, but she wasn't going to care about that. It was with good reason that William Congreve said even hell had no fury like a woman scorned.  
  
The situation was so fucked up. Jim would like to say that it wasn't his problem, that he didn't care if Spock got brain damage, but he couldn't. He  _cared_. He’d also like to say that he cared about Spock just like he would have cared for any other crew member in this situation, but it wasn't true. The idea of Spock being hurt or ill made Jim sick, and he wasn't even sure why—they weren't friends or anything. But they were a command team. Despite their numerous arguments, Jim had come to rely on Spock—because really, who was he kidding? Just a few months ago, he’d been a cadet with no field experience. The truth was, he needed Spock.  
  
And Kirk was right about one thing: Jim wouldn't mind having sex with Spock. He'd always been attracted to him in an 'I'd hit it' kind of way, and he hadn't had sex since before the beginning of the mission, so why the hell not? If he got a normal working relationship with his First Officer after they’d fucked it out of his system, it really  _was_  a win-win.   
  
But the problem was, it had the potential for disaster. It could easily ruin their—Uhura, Spock and his—working relationship and fuck up their dynamic if something went wrong.   
  
"Captain, are you going to let me in, or are you going to keep staring at me for the rest of the morning?" Uhura said. She looked as gorgeous as ever, no sign of distress on her face.   
  
"Sorry, yeah, come in, Lieutenant," Jim muttered before heading back to the bed. He could hear Uhura's high heels on the deck just behind him. Jim couldn't help but think that those shoes could do some major damage to certain areas of his body.  
Slipping a shirt over his head, Jim turned around.  
  
She folded her arms over her chest, giving him a piercing look. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?"   
  
Inwardly, Jim winced. That never was a good sign. "Granted."  
  
"You know why I'm here, right?"  
  
Jim's lips curved into a smile. "I have a guess."  
  
"I want to know what you want."   
  
Jim chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Look, don't drag me into this, because I've got other things to do besides taking place in a soap opera. I was minding my own business and certainly didn't ask for  _that_ , okay?"  
  
She pursed her lips. "Do you want him?"  
  
Jim snorted a laugh, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter what I want. I'm not the one who—"  
  
"Do you want him, Kirk?" she repeated firmly, giving him a hard look.  
  
Jim met her eyes. "Honestly? Yes. I'm not dead, and yes, he's hot. But even if he  _weren't_ , it wouldn't matter. My First Officer isn't getting brain-damaged, not if I can help it."  
  
She eyed him for a few moments.   
  
"So you don't have a personal interest in him?"  
  
Jim blinked, then laughed. "What? Of course not! You know better than anyone that we’re still working on making it as a _command_  team. Having sex with him is one thing—it's just sex—but…"  
  
Uhura looked at him with narrowed eyes, as though she did not believe him.  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "Why all the questions? You don't really think I want to steal your boyfriend away, right? I don't do relationships—I don't have time for that, even if I wanted to."  
  
She stared at him unblinkingly before looking away. "I'm going to give my permission for this."   
  
Jim's mouth went slack. "Really?"  
  
Uhura snorted bitterly. "It's not like I have much choice, Kirk. I have only two options: either break up with him for the time being, or break up with him completely." Her lips twisted into a crooked smile. "Can you believe that Spock was surprised that I refused to even consider the option of staying together while he sleeps with you?"  
  
Jim winced. It seemed Spock couldn't see through Kirk's bullshit.   
  
"I'm not going to break up with him completely just because of  _biology_." She spat the word as if it were poison. "So I'm breaking up with him temporarily."  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows. "To be honest, I thought you'd rather have him leave for New Vulcan than let him fuck someone else. Most other people would choose that instead.”  
  
"It's not an option—I can't do that to him. He was my friend long before he became my boyfriend, and I care about him. Most likely, there's no other cure for him, and if he leaves for New Vulcan, he'll just drive himself mad—or worse."  She averted her gaze, looking thoughtful. "There's another solution, I suppose. I could resign from Starfleet and go with him to New Vulcan to get us bonded. But I'm not ready for that. I love Starfleet and I love my job, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a lifelong bond. It's too early for that. We've been together only for eight months, six of which he spent grieving, keeping me at an arm's length, and arguing with you."  
  
Jim stared at her. "And you aren't angry with him at all? You're ready to take him back after it's over?"  
  
She barked out a laugh. "Of course I'm angry, Kirk! When he told me, I wanted nothing more but to punch him in the face, and actually, the only reason I didn't do it is because his jaw might break my knuckles. But now,  _rationally_ I understand that there’s nothing he can do to fight it, and that the situation is really dangerous for him. I understand that I have no reason to be jealous. It's not like he really wants you." Something flickered in her eyes. "The only thing I don't understand is why it's  _you_  and not me. But you know what? I'm not angry with you. Honestly, I feel sorry for you."  
  
"And why’s that?"  
  
"Because Spock hates being not in control of himself more than anything. He hates this situation even more than I hate it. Maybe it's not fair, but he's going to take his anger out on  _you._ "  
  
Jim licked his lips, grinning shakily. "Um… thanks for the warning?"  
  
She smiled at him nicely. "Oh, that isn’t a warning, Kirk—it's a promise."

"Right," Jim said, grimacing. "Look, Uhura. I don't want this to compromise our jobs. Let's make it clear: I don't want your boyfriend and I'm only doing this because I have very little choice. I'll be the first to celebrate when it's all over. There's no need for hostility between us. If this is going to affect our professional relationship, I'm not willing to do it. I'm doing your boyfriend and _you_ a favor, nothing more. Understood?"

Uhura studied him for a long moment before nodding. "I apologize, Captain. You are right. It's just…" She forced a laugh. "It's just a little too much. I know it's not your fault, Jim—and it isn't his fault, either. I just..."  
  
"That's okay," Jim said softly, feeling sorry for her. "I understand, really. It must be hard."  
  
She sighed and went silent for a few moments.   
  
"No kissing," she said suddenly.  
  
Jim frowned. "What?"  
  
"No kissing," Uhura repeated firmly. "That's my only condition. You won't kiss, because kissing is personal."  
  
 _Kissing is only for me._  
  
Jim shrugged. "Sure. Does he know about your decision?"  
  
"No. I wanted to talk to you first before I talk to him."  
  
 _To determine if you're a threat._  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
She stared at him. "One more thing—I don't want to hear about it. No one should know. I don't particularly want to become the laughing-stock of the entire ship, and I don't want anyone’s pity, which is even worse."  
  
Jim nodded, and, with a brisk nod of her own, she left, her high heels clicking loudly on the deck.  
  
He shook his head in disbelief. Christ. How the hell had he managed to get into this situation?

 

  
  
* * *

 

  
  
Jim had thought Spock would have the decency to wait until the evening, but he came all the way down to Engineering where Jim was helping Scotty with fixing the consoles that had been damaged during their previous mission.   
  
"Captain, may I speak to you?" Spock said. Jim looked up from the console he was working on and licked his lips.  
  
"Can't it wait? I'm kinda busy here," he said, faking nonchalance.   
  
"No. It is a matter of great urgency."   
  
Jim raised his eyebrows, and gave Spock a once-over, his gaze lingering on his crotch.

"I see," he said with a smirk. "Impatient, Mr. Spock?"  
  
"Negative. The sooner we begin, the sooner it will end."  
  
"Great attitude towards sex," Jim muttered and stood up. "Scotty, I have to go!" he shouted in the direction of Scotty, tilting his head up.  
  
"Aye, Captain; I'll finish it myself!" he called back. "Thanks for lendin’ a hand!"   
  
"So Uhura talked to you?" Jim asked, wiping his damp hands on his pants as they walked together towards the turbolift. Why was he nervous all of a sudden? It was just sex—he’d never been nervous about sex before. He was good at sex. He was  _awesome_  at sex. No reason for nervousness. They would fuck, Spock's  _t'khart_  would return to normal, he would go back to Uhura, and everyone would be happy.   
  
"Indeed," Spock said, looking straight ahead. "She told me she had already informed you about her decision."  
  
"Yeah," Jim said stepping into the turbolift after Spock. "So how long do you think it’ll take – once, twice, more?"  
  
"I do not have sufficient information to answer your question," Spock said stiffly as the turbolift doors whooshed open.  
  
"For all we know, it might not work at all," Jim reminded him, heading to his quarters.   
  
"Perhaps, but we do not have any alternative."  
  
"Yeah," Jim admitted, opening his door. Spock followed him inside and began methodically undressing. Jim was a little weirded out by his straightforwardness, but decided to go with the flow and began to strip.

When only his boxer-briefs remained, Jim looked up…and stared.   
  
Spock stood in front of him completely naked. He had a  _great_  body, all toned muscles and solid strength. Jim bit his lip at the sight of Spock's hard dick. Maybe he shouldn't have made fun of Kirk for those moans. Spock's dick was… kind of big.   
  
Realizing that he was staring—and he definitely didn't want Spock to think he was impressed—Jim snapped his gaze away.   
  
"Remove your underwear," Spock said hoarsely, his dark eyes roaming all over Jim's body.  
  
"Don't order me around," Jim muttered, but he tugged his boxer-briefs off and kicked them out of his way, already hard.  
  
"Go lie on the bed," Spock said, as if not having heard him at all.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Jim walked to the bed and stretched himself out, putting a pillow under his head. He raised his eyebrows when Spock didn't move. "Are you gonna stay there all day, or what? The sooner we start, the sooner it's over, after all. C'mere; blow me."   
  
He spread his legs in invitation and, with a soft sigh, wrapped a hand around his cock.   
  
Spock swallowed, eyes moving back and forth between Jim's face and cock. "I cannot," he managed, his cheeks tinged green. "I promised to Nyota that I would touch you only when necessary. Prepare yourself."  
  
Jim's eyes widened, his jaw dropping. "Are you kidding me? Who said I'm gonna let you fuck me—and without you even _touching_  me?"  
  
"It was my understanding that you agreed to help me. I wish to take you, but I would rather not touch you unless I must."  
  
Jim stared at him incredulously before saying through his teeth, "Well then, go fuck yourself."  
  
Seriously, was Spock that arrogant, to think that Jim would just  _prepare_  himself and take it up his ass like a good little bottom without Spock even touching him? He wasn't some kind of whore.  
  
"Prepare yourself, Captain, or I will prepare you," Spock warned, stepping closer to the bed.  
  
"Fuck you," Jim snapped with a glare, squeezing his cock. "I'll let you fuck me only if you ask nicely, got it? And by 'nicely,' I mean say 'please'. You should thank me that I agreed to this at all."  
  
Spock clenched his jaw. Jim pursed his lips. They stared at each other, neither willing to concede.  
  
Finally, Spock took a deep breath and grated out, "Captain, I would like you to prepare yourself for sexual intercourse... please," he added, as if the word tasted poorly.   
  
Jim snorted a laugh.   
  
"Well, since you're asking so nicely, Commander," he drawled, and reached for a bottle of lube he kept in the bedside drawer.   
  
Slicking his fingers, Jim shoved a pillow under his ass and reached down. Holding Spock's gaze, he continued idly stroking his cock while he teased his entrance, then slid a finger in.   
  
Spock made a low sound, his nostrils flaring.   
  
Smiling, Jim added another finger and began scissoring them, working them deeper inside, even as he consciously avoided his prostate—it was sensitive to touch, and Jim didn't want to shoot too soon.   
  
When Jim inserted a third finger, it made him wince, but he didn't stop. Spock's dick was big, and, as much as he liked having a big cock up his ass, it was going to hurt like a son of a bitch if he didn't prepare himself properly.   
  
Spock walked to the bed; Jim looked at his dick. "Shit, I think I'll need another finger."   
  
"That will not be necessary," Spock said, settling between Jim's legs and pushing Jim's hand away.  
  
"I'm the one who has to take it up my ass, so I think I'd know better—" Jim's eyes widened. "Holy shit, your dick is shrinking!"  
  
"I am aware," Spock said, spreading Jim's thighs wider, and positioned himself between them. "I am regulating its size to make intercourse easier for you."  
  
Jim stared at him, then smacked him on the shoulder. "And you couldn't tell me this  _before_  I did all the stretching?"  
  
Spock had the gall to raise an eyebrow. "You still required preparation," he said, grabbing the lube and slicking his now-average-sized cock before lining it up against Jim's hole.  
  
"It's gonna grow again, right?" Jim muttered, feeling disappointed—not that he was a size queen or anything—as Spock pushed into his stretched asshole almost with no pain whatsoever.   
  
"Indeed," Spock said, and, propping himself on his elbows above Jim, he began moving, and holy fuck, Spock hadn’t been kidding—his cock really was growing inside him! Jim looked at Spock's tense face and did something he'd never done during sex before: he started laughing.   
  
Spock's eyes narrowed. "Am I  _humorous_ to you?" he hissed out without halting his thrusts.  
  
"It's funny, don't you think? We didn't kiss—oh—we didn't even touch each other—but I have your cock up my ass—fuck—and apparently you have a magical dick—Len  _told_  me that, but I thought he was just—shit, do that again— _oh_ —Don't you think it's funny?"  
  
Spock most definitely did not. "No," he said, giving a hard thrust. Jim moaned.   
  
"Oh c'mon, it's totally funny! We didn't even turn down the lights—"  
  
"Does nothing render you nonverbal?” Spock managed. “Do you always talk so much during sexual intercourse?"  
  
"Yep," Jim said with a smirk, panting. "Wanna shut me up?"  
  
Spock's gaze snapped to Jim's mouth, his expression so  _hungry_  for a second, before his face closed off.   
  
"You know I cannot," he said and gave a brutal thrust against his prostate.   
  
Moaning, Jim gripped Spock's shoulders, digging his nails into the skin. "Fuck yeah...C'mon, harder—what the hell?" he gasped when Spock suddenly stopped moving. The feeling of fullness was great, but he needed Spock to move, damn it.  
  
"Beg," Spock said, eyes flashing.  
  
Jim blinked, feeling a strange déjà vu.   
  
"Fuck you," he said sweetly, then frowned, because the sense of déjà vu only increased.  
  
And then it hit him—he'd heard almost exactly the same thing when Kirk and his husband were fucking. Not sure what it said about them, he slid his hands down Spock's back to his firm ass, giving it a squeeze. "Come on—give me a good hard fuck, Mr. Spock." He gave Spock a challenging smirk. "If you can."  
  
Spock narrowed his eyes, and burying his face in the crook of Jim's neck, began pounding into him with so much force that it felt like he was tearing Jim apart.   
  
It fucking hurt, but it felt so good, having  _Spock_ —his oh-so-proper First Officer—fucking him like an  _animal_ , with no finesse, no logic, and no restraint, kissing and biting Jim's neck and shoulders, making low, guttural sounds. It was such a huge turn-on, and Jim's breathing was erratic now, coming in loud pants, and he was fucking coming, he was coming—except Spock didn't let him, squeezing the base of his cock, and continued fucking him until Jim felt like punching him.   
  
"You better let me come right the fuck now, or I'm gonna—fuck—please, please—"  
  
"Say my name," Spock rasped, slamming into him.  
  
"Spock," Jim croaked. "Please."  
  
And finally—fucking finally—Spock let go of his dick and pounded against his sweet spot over and over until Jim came with a keening cry.  
  
When he opened his eyes, Spock was already out of bed and zipping his pants.  
  
Jim blinked, then snorted. "Thanks, Spock. You know how to make a guy feel special."   
  
Spock looked at him. "Was that meant to be sarcastic, Captain?"  
  
Rolling his eyes, Jim sat up. "None of this 'Captain' shit—you just had your dick up my ass, so Jim it is. And yes, it was sarcasm, because I kind of feel like a cheap whore now. Considering that I didn't have to do the fucking, I think I deserve a better attitude."  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow, his face inscrutable. "Do you want my gratitude,  _Jim_? If so, I thank you. It was adequate."  
  
"Adequate," Jim repeated before falling back onto the bed, laughing out loud. "Gee, thanks, Spock; you really know how to stroke a guy's ego."  
  
Spock’s eyebrows furrowed. "You are offended by this. Why?”  
  
Jim chuckled. "Spock, it isn't very nice to use the word 'adequate' when it comes to sex. But I guess you can't call it anything but  _adequate_  when it was just an act of sticking a dick into a hole. There's a lot more to sex than just an orgasm, you know."  
  
Spock's nostrils flared. "Are you saying that you are unsatisfied?"  
  
Grinning, Jim put his arms under his head. "On the scale of 1 to 10, I'll give you…a 3."  
  
Yeah, maybe he was being mean, but payback was a bitch.  
  
A muscle in Spock's jaw twitched. "May I remind you that physical satisfaction was not the goal?"  
  
"So how are you feeling? Did it help?"  
  
"In a sense, yes. I no longer feel like I cannot control myself around you."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I am not positive that it is not temporary," Spock said, slipping into his shirt. "Nonetheless, I hope that repeating this experience will not be necessary."  
  
"Wow, thanks," Jim said, wondering if it would be too childish to throw a pillow at Spock's head—he was more than a little tempted. "I hope so, too. That was the worst sex in my life."  
  
Spock's lips folded into a thin line before he turned around briskly and walked out of the room. Jim buried his head under the pillow, annoyed to no end.

What the hell had he been thinking when he’d agreed to this? 


	4. Chapter 4

 

It was late in the evening when Jim left the Engineering deck (and no, he had  _not_  been hiding from anyone there—he was just helping Scotty out) and headed to his quarters. His steps faltered for a moment when Jim saw Spock waiting for him outside his quarters. It was the first time he'd seen Spock since yesterday.  
  
"Commander," he said coldly, unlocking the door and entering his quarters. Spock followed him in, uninvited.  
  
Jim gritted his teeth and turned around. "You wanted something?"  
  
The door slid shut behind Spock. Clasping his hands behind his back, Spock met Jim's eyes.  
  
"Yes. I wished to apologize."   
  
Jim blinked. "Really?"  
  
"Indeed. After extended meditation, I concluded that my harsh attitude towards you was illogical and uncalled for. I apologize, Captain."   
  
Jim stared at him, feeling torn. On the one hand, he wanted nothing more than to tell Spock to fuck off. Spock couldn't treat him like a cheap whore and then expect that all would be forgiven if he just apologized. Hell, Jim had never felt so shitty and used  after sex.   
  
But, on the other hand, he was relieved that Spock had apologized. He'd been freaking out the whole day that they’d screwed up their professional relationship even more. The thing was, Jim didn't have the luxury to hold grudges. He didn't have the luxury of being childish anymore. He was the Captain, and he had to be responsible. Spock wasn't some ensign from the engineering section Jim could ignore for the rest of the voyage. Spock was his First Officer. They  _had_  to find the common ground for the sake of the ship.  
  
Rubbing his forehead, Jim sighed. "I guess I have no choice but to accept your apology for the ship's sake, but I'm still pissed at you. You were a jerk, Spock. For fuck's sake, I just wanted to help you."  
  
Spock shoulders stiffened. He looked away.  
  
"Captain—Jim. You should understand that I was not myself. I was—"  
  
"What? Emotionally compromised?" Jim said with a snort.   
  
Spock looked back at him, and Jim's eyes widened when he saw the storm of emotions in Spock's eyes.   
  
"Indeed," he said in a rough voice. "I was not myself, Captain. I have not been myself for months. Before last night, I had not successfully meditated in forty-three days, and Vulcans require meditation more than sleep in order to keep our minds clear and ordered. Meditation is necessary for us to control our emotions and not allow them to rule our actions. I am aware that it does not fully justify my behavior, but I am asking you to understand that… it was not me."  
  
He looked down. "This latest development was the ‘last straw,’ as you might say, and I am... ashamed that I let my emotions dictate my actions. I apologize for making you the target of my resentment at the situation. It was most illogical of me, an instinctual reaction that I failed to control."  
  
He met Jim's eyes. "After successful meditation, my mind is clearer than it has been in months, and I feel more like I did before. I am thankful to you for that."  
  
Jim stared at him, completely thrown. Their eyes held for what felt like an eternity, and Jim felt something shift in him. He sighed. Spock was not infallible. He wasn’t always logical, and he wasn't perfect. He made mistakes, too, and hurt, and got hurt, and did things he’d regret later— just like everybody else. In many ways, Spock was so achingly human—something Jim usually forgot.  
  
"Apology accepted," Jim said with a sigh. “Fully.“  
  
Spock's shoulders sagged slightly, his rigid posture relaxing just a little.  
  
"Thank you for understanding, Captain," he said quietly, eyeing him. "I must admit, you are… different than I thought."  
  
Jim raised his eyebrows, not sure if that was a compliment or an insult. "How?"  
  
"You are much more… mature. You are handling this difficult situation very well. Unlike myself."  
  
Jim blinked, then smiled. "Did you really just admit that I'm better at something than you are?"  
  
Spock looked away before glancing back at him. "It appears so."  
  
Jim chuckled. "And the universe didn't end?"  
  
Was it his imagination, or did Spock's lips really twitch up? "We have no way of knowing this, Captain. We are not truly in our universe at this time."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes. "Was that a joke, Mr. Spock?"  
  
"Certainly not, Captain," Spock said, giving him his 'don't-be-illogical' look, but it didn't seem as icy as before.  
  
Jim smiled, feeling something like hope blooming inside his chest. Maybe they could get along. Maybe they could even be friends.   
  
"How’s your  _t'khart_?" he asked, hoping like hell that it wouldn't ruin the tentative truce between them. "Is it back to normal?"  
  
Much to his relief, Spock's expression did not go stony. "I have been on the T'Pau today to have my counterpart examine my mind. He told me that my  _t'khart_  was still active, but less active than it was a day ago. It seems our counterparts' theory was correct, and that our actions are working."  
  
Jim licked his lips. "But you'll need to have sex again, right?"  
  
Spock met his eyes warily, then inclined his head.   
  
Jim chuckled. "Relax; I'm not going to leave you with blue balls and damaged brain. But I have one condition: I don't want to be treated like some cheap whore again. I don't want you to act like having sex with me is the worst chore imaginable."   
  
Spock stared at him before raising an eyebrow. "Am I correct in understanding that you want me to stay with you after intercourse?"  
  
Jim felt himself blush. "It sounds so girly when you say it like that, but yeah. Just for a little while, you know? I feel, just… really awful otherwise. Also, none of this 'no touching' shit. I didn't agree to that. I promised Uhura only that we wouldn't kiss. How the hell are we supposed to have normal sex without touching?” Jim raised his eyebrows. “And if you say 'prepare yourself, Captain' again, I won't be responsible for consequences."  
  
Spock seemed to hesitate. "Nyota made me promise that I would touch you only when it was necessary."  
  
Jim smiled crookedly. By making Spock promise not to kiss and touch him, Uhura assured that he was nothing but a hole to fuck for Spock. Not that Jim couldn't understand her, but still—it wasn't the nicest thing to do.   
  
He thought for a moment, then said, "What if I tell you that it's  _necessary_  for you to touch me, or you won't get any? This way, you won't break your promise, right?"  
  
Spock stared at him.   
  
"Technically, no," he said before pulling his shirt off.  
  
Jim's eyes widened. "Hold on; wait. You want to have sex now?"   
  
Spock's hands froze on his belt buckle. "Do you have any objections?"  
  
"Um, well… no," Jim managed, and Spock resumed undressing. "I guess I just didn't expect that you'd want it so—so soon." He watched as Spock continued to strip. "Geez, you're impatient."  
  
"I am not," Spock said, folding his clothes on a chair and walking over to Jim. Even though Jim was still dressed, it felt like Spock was the one who was in control.   
  
He bit his lip when his First Officer stopped only a few inches from him. Leaning down, Spock pressed his parted lips to Jim's neck, where his pulse was beating frantically, and inhaled deeply.  
  
"Bed," he breathed hoarsely, and pushed Jim towards the bed.  
  
Jim let himself be guided onto the bed and looked at Spock, curious about what he would do next.   
  
"May I undress you?" Spock said, climbing on the bed next to him. Jim looked at his hard cock—damn, had he really had _that_  in his ass?—before looking back at Spock.  
  
"Yeah," he said, leaning back on his hands. "Computer, lights at twenty-five percent."  
  
There was something intimate about this undressing, far more intimate than the sex they'd had. Jim's skin tingled when Spock's fingers brushed against his belly and chest as the Vulcan slowly pulled his shirt off. When Spock began working on his pants, Jim was already hard—and now, impatient. He lifted his hips to let Spock pull his uniform pants off, and sighed when Spock's pale fingers hooked the elastic of his white boxer-briefs and slowly slid them down, revealing his hard cock.   
  
"Lift your hips again," Spock said roughly, eyeing Jim’s body. Jim did as he was told, and Spock's hands cradled his ass briefly as he tugged Jim's underwear off.  
  
Both naked now, they stared at each other. Jim looked at Spock's hands clenched tightly at his sides, then at his dark eyes.   
  
"C'mere," Jim murmured, leaning back on the pillows. "C'mon, touch me."  
  
"Yes," Spock agreed, his voice cracking.  
  
And then, he was on him.   
  
Holy fucking  _hell_ , Spock was like a starving man on a feast—his hands and mouth were everywhere, grasping, kissing, kneading, nipping,  _touching_  every inch of Jim's skin. It was like Jim was covered in chocolate and Spock couldn't get enough. He was getting a little rough—too rough—but Jim sort of didn't care, his toes curling from the intensity of the sensations.  
  
Half an hour later, Spock was still at it, turning Jim into a quivering mess with the barest flick of his tongue. Jim’s cock was so hard that it literally hurt, his balls aching for release. He couldn't think, couldn't talk; he could only feel, and it felt fucking amazing. He stroked Spock’s hair as Spock sucked on his nipple, twisting the other one with the hand that wasn't pumping slowly Jim's cock—too slowly, too gently, not  _enough_.   
  
"I can't— Lube," Jim croaked, and it wasn’t long before Spock was working two fingers inside Jim, teasing him unmercifully.   
  
"Enough _._  Come on."  
  
Spock made a throaty sound and, sitting up, tugged Jim into his lap—onto his slickened dick. Jim's eyes rolled into the back of his head as Spock slowly filled him. Fuck, it felt so  _good_ —  
  
"Ride me," Spock whispered hoarsely from behind, and, with a small moan, Jim obeyed. He fucked himself on Spock's cock while Spock tweaked his sensitive nipples and stroked his chest. Jesus, it was  _so_  much better than their first time. Spock was making little grunts into his neck, kissing and sucking it, and Jim couldn't last any longer, already on the edge, his thighs trembling and cock aching.  
  
He fucked himself harder and faster, little moans leaving his lips every time Spock's dick brushed his prostate. He whimpered when Spock wrapped a hand around his cock and started pumping it along with every thrust.   
  
" _God_ —" Jim breathed out, his thighs unable to hold him any longer. As if sensing it, Spock moved them so that Jim was on his knees and elbows and started fucking him in earnest, his fingers gripping Jim's hips so hard that Jim could guarantee bruises later. A few more thrusts, and Jim was shaking and coming hard all over the sheets. He could feel his ass squeezing around Spock's dick and Spock's thrusts got wild, pounding a few extra times on Jim's prostate to stretch out an already dizzyingly intense orgasm. With a low growl, Spock came, too, filling him up with his come.  
  
"Eight," Jim murmured, panting into the mattress and trying to catch his breath.   
  
"Pardon?" Spock gasped, carefully pulling out of him.   
  
Jim rolled onto his back. Looking at Spock's flushed face, he smiled dazedly. "An 8 on the scale from 1 to 10."

Spock gave a long unblinking look before raising an eyebrow. "I am flattered, Captain."   
  
Jim grinned, stretching his arms out and then resting them underneath his head. "I'm flattered,  _Jim_ ," he corrected. "And if you tell me that it was  _adequate_ , someone's gonna get hurt."  
  
Spock stretched on his back beside him. "It was… satisfying. Jim."  
  
Jim chuckled. "Satisfying? I guess I’ll take that."   
  
The silence that fell between them wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn't strained, either. Jim wondered why Spock was still there before remembering that he had asked him to stay.   
  
"So… thanks for not treating me like dirt," he said quietly, staring at the ceiling. "’Cause I wouldn’t want to have to turn you away on your deathbed."   
  
"You are welcome," Spock said, and after a few moments, added, "Capt—Jim, I wished to extend my gratitude to you for your generous assistance."  
  
Jim smiled to himself. Before Spock, no one had ever thanked him for sex.  
  
"Don't mention it."  
  
They fell silent again. Jim wondered if Spock was calculating when would be an appropriate time to leave the bed without offending him, and almost laughed out loud at the thought. Just for the fun of it, he decided to not tell Spock that he could go, as he’d been intending to do. Of course he’d have to deal with the dried come later, which was never fun, but it would be so  worth it. Spock deserved this.  
  
"Hey, I wanted to ask something," Jim said when he got bored of silence. "Does the crew know that you guys broke up, or are you going to pretend that you're still together?"  
  
"Nyota asked me to keep the appearance of our being in a romantic relationship. She does not wish to become the subject of gossip and ridicule. We will continue to share our meals."  
  
"Ah," Jim said.  
  
Spock stiffened. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You must have said 'Ah' for a reason."  
  
Jim rolled his eyes, even though he doubted Spock was looking his way. "I said it because I just felt like it, okay?"  
  
"Most illogical."  
  
"Well, I don't claim to be logical. I'm the kind of person who can do some of the craziest and stupidest shit in the world because I just feel like it. For no reason, okay?"  
  
"There is always a reason. You obviously formed an opinion that motivated you to utter that interjection."  
  
Jim let out a half-groan, half-laugh. "God, I can't believe we're arguing over a fucking interjection. We're hopeless, Spock. It's a wonder our counterparts haven't killed each other off over the years."  
  
"We are not them," Spock said stiffly.  
  
Jim thought of Kirk's life, then of his own, and his smile faded.   
  
"No, we aren't."  
  
He stared at the opposite bulkhead as the silence stretched. He felt Spock sit up and get out of the bed. He headed to the bathroom, and Jim's lips curled into a wry smile. He had thought Spock would at least say 'good night' before leaving, but it was probably too much to expect.  
His eyes widened when Spock returned to the bed, carrying a damp rag.   
  
"What're you doing?" Jim said as Spock started wiping his body.  
  
Spock looked at him with a raised eyebrow.   
  
"Once dried, ejaculate is quite difficult to remove," he said, and returned to cleaning Jim's body from all the come.  
  
Jim was more than a little weirded out by this—it was oddly intimate—but he let him.   
  
"Turn on your stomach," Spock instructed, and Jim did, still bewildered.   
  
When the damp cloth touched his ass, he closed his eyes with a soft sigh. He had to admit - it felt nice to be cared about.   
  
It took Jim a few minutes to realize that his ass couldn't possibly take so long to clean. And it definitely wasn't necessary for Spock to knead his buttocks.   
  
Jim narrowed his eyes.   
  
"Spock—" he started when he felt his buttocks being spread apart gently and a warm tongue trace the length of his crack. "Oh, holy—"

  
*

  
"'Morning, Bones," Jim said the next morning to McCoy and, putting his tray down, sat opposite him, suppressing a wince. He loved a big dick, he really did, but it brought a price.  
  
"God, I'm starving." He yawned. Spock had kept him up half of the night.  
  
"'Morning… Hmm… Is there a reason why Uhura's glaring at you?"  
  
Jim's fork froze halfway to his mouth. He’d somehow managed to avoid Uhura yesterday, but it looked like his luck had run out.  
  
He darted a look around the mess hall and flinched upon meeting Uhura's eyes across the room. He wondered if the hickeys Spock had left on his lower neck and shoulders were fully covered. He made a mental note to steal a dermal regenerator from Sickbay.   
  
"No idea," he said to Bones before changing the subject. "How's Len? I know you two talk a lot."  
  
Bones snorted. "Apparently the other you roped him into helping with research and minor repairs that were on hold. He's not pleased, and no wonder: I'm a doctor, not an engineer."  
  
"Uh-huh," Jim said distractedly, returning his gaze to his plate. Why  _was_  Uhura was glaring at him? It wasn't like Spock had cheated on her with him. She’d given them her permission, for fuck's sake. Technically, Spock wasn’t even her boyfriend anymore and it was her own choice. She didn't love him enough to bond with him.  
  
"And would you look at that—someone's looking unVulcanly happy today," McCoy said, nodding towards the entrance behind Jim.  
  
Telling himself not to turn his head, Jim kept eating. He felt more than heard when Spock stopped by their table. Jim looked up.   
  
"Doctor McCoy. Captain," Spock said, inclining his head.  
  
Jim smiled a little. "Hey, Spock."  
  
Spock's dark eyes fixed on him for what felt like ages before the thought occurred to Jim that inviting him to sit might be better than just making him stand there.  
  
"Wanna sit with us?"   
  
Jim felt McCoy's incredulous look on his face, and some part of Jim couldn't believe that he had suggested it. If they’d had mind-blowing sex, it didn't necessarily mean that they were suddenly buddy-buddy, but good sex tended to do weird things to people’s minds, creating the illusion of closeness.   
  
"I am amenable to your suggestion," Spock said, putting his tray on the table and sitting down.   
  
Jim felt someone's eyes on him, and, turning his head, found Uhura staring at them. Shit. She was probably even more pissed now. But it wasn't like there was something wrong with it, right? Spock was his First Officer, and it was perfectly normal for a captain, his first officer, and his CMO to have breakfast together… and it totally didn't matter that the first time it happened coincided with the Captain and the First Officer having sex with each other. There was a first time for everything, after all.   
  
"So tell us, Spock. What’re you so happy about?" McCoy said, looking at the Vulcan with a raised eyebrow. "You're positively glowing compared to your usual self, Mr. High-and-Mighty-I-Have-A-Stick-Up-My-Ass."  
  
Well, Jim wouldn't use the words 'happy' or 'glowing', but Spock definitely looked less tense than usual.   
  
 _I'm just that good._  
  
"Vulcans do not experience happiness, Doctor," Spock replied evenly, raising an eyebrow.   
  
McCoy snorted. "No wonder you lot always look like someone killed their kitten—oh, wait, that’d be an  _emotion_ , and Vulcans don't do emotions. Are Vulcan babies born with no expression whatsoever?"  
  
Jim chuckled. "You're one to talk, Bones. I bet you were born with a scowl on your face."  
  
McCoy scowled. "You’re taking his side?"  
  
"I didn't know there were sides in the first place," Jim retorted with an eyeroll, looking at Spock. He found Spock staring at his mouth as he talked.   
  
Jim licked his lips and quickly shifted his gaze to Bones. It looked like Spock's  _t'khart_  wasn't anywhere near normal yet. There definitely was going to be a next time.

  
  
  
*   
  
  
There was a next time. And a time after that. And a time after that. Jim eventually lost the count of how many times they had sex, because Spock was fucking  _insatiable_. Jim wondered where he found the time to keep the appearance of being Uhura's boyfriend, because he seemed to spend most of his free time fucking Jim in every possible position. Not that Jim complained—quite the opposite. He’d always loved sex, and he  _loved_  having sex with Spock. They might argue like there was no tomorrow, but they had great chemistry in bed. Hell, Jim had never had sex this intense and satisfying before, even though sometimes he wanted to strangle Spock when he pulled his dick out of him and opened his mouth. Well, sometimes Jim  _did_  try to strangle him and they usually ended up rolling and wrestling on the bed, which naturally led to sex. And more sex.  
  
Needless to say, his ass was mighty sore these days.  
  
Jim shifted in the command chair with a grumbled curse, trying to get comfortable.  
  
"Captain, the T'Pau _'_ s shuttle will arrive in six-point-three minutes with the samples. Do you wish to accompany me to the shuttle bay?"  
  
Jim met Spock's eyes and stood up from his chair. "Certainly, Mr. Spock."  
  
He noticed Chekov and Lt. Marks exchange smiles and had to suppress his own as he followed Spock out of the bridge.  
  
While Spock's problem didn't seem to be going away—yet—the whole thing was doing wonders to improve Jim's relationship with his First Officer. Now that Spock had stopped avoiding him and treating him like a piece of shit, Jim discovered that Spock could be an  _awesome_  First Officer. It wasn't that they magically stopped arguing and disagreeing with each other—of course not—but his First started actually talking to him, consulting his opinion and asking Jim if he wanted to do something that involved thinking instead of just assuming that he didn't. Jim felt like they were making baby-steps towards being a  _team_ , and it made him ridiculously pleased. He only hoped that when their arrangement was over, Spock wouldn't go back to his old asshole-ish self. Even though, according to Spock,  _this_  was his real self, and his asshole-ish self was the product of no meditation, blue balls and his crazy biology, Jim had no way to be certain of that, since he hadn't really known Spock before the destruction of Vulcan (and the Kobayashi Maru hearing didn't count).  
  
He hoped that Spock's change of attitude towards him wasn’t just because of the sex (though that was probably hypocritical, considering that sex certainly influenced  _him_ ). Lately, he found himself being more patient with his First Officer, and while Jim would like to say that sex didn't have anything to do with it, that would be a big, fat lie. It was just hard to be really  angry with the guy who gave him mind-blowing orgasms every day—and sometimes a few times a day.  
Yeah, he was the worst kind of hypocrite.   
  
Their dynamic had really changed, and everyone seemed to be noticing it. The atmosphere on the bridge was noticeably lighter and more relaxed than before—if you didn't count Uhura, who kept giving him the coldest looks. It honestly pissed Jim off rather than making him feel sorry for her. What did she want from him? It wasn’t his fault that Spock's problem wasn’t going away as soon as they’d hoped. And Jim hadn't forgotten all her 'no touching' and 'no kissing' bullshit that’d made him feel like a whore the first time he had sex with Spock.  
  
The turbolift doors closed behind them.  
  
"Shuttle bay," Spock said.   
  
Their eyes caught and Jim's stomach did a weird flip-flop. His pulse sped up. Dammit; he'd always had a high libido, but it was getting ridiculous. He came  _three_  times last night, and now he had a hard-on—again. (And telling his dick to shut up just didn’t work the way it used to.)  
Spock's eyes darted down to Jim's bulging pants and darkened. Slowly, Spock reached out and pressed the button to stop the turbolift.   
  
Jim's mouth fell open as Spock dropped to his knees in front of him and started working on his zipper.   
  
"Wait, Spock, we can't—" His words turned into a long moan as Spock swallowed his cock to the hilt, his mouth hot, wet, and perfect around him.  _Fuck_. The amazing thing about Vulcans was that they had no gag reflex and right now Spock was using that advantage like nobody’s business.   
  
Groaning, Jim buried his hands in Spock's hair and leaned against the wall, his legs shaking.  
Christ _._

  
*

  
  
" _G'teth, gespar, cir-cen_ … Sounds pretty good so far, huh?" Jim said, looking down at his PADD.   
  
"Indeed. I did not expect that the T'Pau's botanical laboratory could provide us with so many species of Vulcan flora," Spock said from where he was lying next to Jim.   
  
Jim noted (not without some smugness) that he still sounded a little breathless after sex.  
  
"Yeah; we even got  _ches'lintak_. Bones must be pissing himself with happiness. The pulp of these plants is one of the strongest natural antibiotics."  
  
"Indeed," Spock agreed, sounding a little surprised. "How do you know this? It is not a common knowledge."   
  
Jim turned his head and gave him a look. "Believe me or not, but I was the top of my class because I worked hard, not because I sucked my instructors' dicks. I'm not  _stupid_ , Spock. Do you want to know my IQ?"  
  
Spock's eyebrows furrowed. "I did not say that I thought so. I am merely surprised that you know this. Command track cadets usually are not taught such things."   
  
"Well, yeah, I guess," Jim allowed, returning his gaze to the PADD. "I just like learning new things. I guess you could consider me to be a bit of a nerd. I used to read Bones's books when I had free time."  
  
"I did not know you were interested in medicine."  
  
Jim chuckled. "You don't know a lot of things about me. And it's not that I'm that interested in medicine - I just think it could be useful one day, you know? I'm responsible for the well-being of my crew. What if something goes wrong on an away mission and someone gets injured? No way in hell I would just watch them die—not if I can help it."  
  
"That is… very admirable of you."  
  
Jim felt his cheeks go warm. He cleared his throat, feeling a little uncomfortable. "So we also got  _tir-nuk, s'gagerat_ —wait, what?" He turned his head to Spock, frowning. "Why the hell did you authorize this?  _S'gagerat_  is a predatory plant! It can kill even  _sehlats_! Vulcans don't exactly need deadly plants when they're already near extinction."  
  
Spock sighed barely audibly. "It is still a Vulcan plant, Jim. We do not have the luxury to choose."  
  
"But—"  
  
"With so much lost, it is important to preserve our culture, and  _s'gagerat_  is a part of our culture. It appears in many Vulcan legends." His eyes became distant, as if he was reliving something from his past. "When I was a child, my mother used to tell me legends about ancient warriors killed by  _s'gagerat_. They were fascinating. I believe her purpose was to keep me away from Vulcan's Forge, where the plant grew." He looked away before continuing, his voice rough around the edges, "No matter how deadly the plant is, it ought to be preserved, as well."  
  
Jim stared at his profile for a few moments before putting a hand on Spock's shoulder and squeezing lightly. "I'm sorry."  
  
A muscle in Spock's jaw worked. "I will never understand the human custom to apologize for things that are not their fault."  
  
"Hey," Jim said softly, moving closer to him. "Look at me."  
  
Spock did. Jim put a hand on the back of his head and urged him closer.  
  
Spock's breathing hitched. "What are you doing? We cannot—"  
  
"Shh. I'm not gonna kiss you," Jim murmured, their breathing mixing. He took Spock's hand and put it on his own back before wrapping his arm around Spock's waist, bringing them close. Spock tensed.   
  
"What are you doing, Jim?"  
  
Jim chuckled into Spock's cheek. "It's called hugging. People do this when they feel sad. Sometimes, it helps."  
  
Spock didn’t move, his body so rigid Jim thought it would snap any moment into millions of pieces.  
  
"I am not 'sad,' Captain."  
  
"Of course not," Jim murmured with a smile. "So let's pretend I'm the one in need of a hug, all right? And come on, relax; hugging has been proven to have health benefits, you know. It increases levels of oxytocin and reduces blood pressure."  
  
Jim counted seventeen seconds before Spock's body slowly loosened, his hand sliding to rest on Jim's lower back.   
  
"Kirk told me that she was like a mom to him," Jim murmured a few minutes later, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat and trying to ignore the tendril of envy that curled around his thoughts like a gripping weed. "She must have been amazing."  
  
He heard Spock take a shaky breath. "She was."  
  
They fell silent, each deep in their own thoughts. Much to Jim's surprise, Spock hadn't pushed him away, his warm body pressed tightly against Jim’s. Maybe he’d really needed a hug, after all.  
  
"It's nice, isn't it?" Jim whispered after a while, breaking the silence. "Come on, admit it."  
  
"It is… not unpleasant."  
  
Jim smiled, breathing in Spock's unusual scent. "Translation: it's  _awesome_. Bones always tells me that I wasn't hugged enough as a kid."  
  
"I was under the impression that 'hugging' was done standing," Spock said, nuzzling Jim’s earlobe.  
  
Jim snickered. "Well, there're different variations of hugs. Most people would call what we're doing cuddling. Then there's spooning—"  
  
"'Spooning'?"   
  
"Yeah. It's a cuddling position - a kind of hugging when both the hugger and the hugged face the same direction. I mean, the front of one person is in contact with the back of the second one. Like, my ass against your crotch."   
  
"It sounds…interesting."  
  
Jim grinned, wrapping his hand around Spock's hard cock. "Oh, I can feel how much you're interested. Round two?"  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "A sound suggestion."

  
*  
  
  
Since Jim had refused to answer Kirk's hails, his counterpart somehow got a hold of his comm number and started sending messages to his PADD.  
  
:::: Is he as awesome in bed as my Spock? ::::  
  
Jim ignored the message.   
  
:::: Oh, come on, he can't be  _that_  bad. My Spock is the best lay I've ever had. ::::  
  
Jim ignored the message.  
  
:::: Or maybe he's so good you can't even get out of bed to read my texts? You're lying in a puddle of come? ::::  
  
Jim gritted his teeth.  
  
:::: Do you know that he can come if you suck on his fingers? ::::  
  
Jim's eyes widened. Kirk must have been kidding.  
  
:::: Here's a great sex tip from me to you. He has a secret kink…                    Ha! I knew you'd read it! It's pretty vanilla, actually. He loves to come all over me - I mean  _all_  over - and make me  _ask_  for it. I let him sometimes, even though it's kind of gross when you have come in your eyes, you know? :::::   
  
:::: All right, I'm off to molest my husband. This one-sided conversation about sex got me all hot. Talk to you later! ::::  
  
Jim decided to change his password. He probably shouldn't have used the name of the girl who gave him his first kiss to begin with.

 

  
  
*

  
  
  
"Checkmate!" Jim declared with a grin, punching the air with his fist.  
  
Spock's eyed the chessboard before looking back at him. "Indeed. However, your victory can hardly be considered just."  
  
Jim winked at him. "Don't be such a sore loser, Spock. You lost and I won."  
  
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Considering that you were nude during the game—and still are—you provided quite a distraction, thereby lowering my efficiency."  
  
Jim grinned. "Well, it's hardly my fault that you let your dick do the thinking for you, right? And you should've lost your robe, too, providing a distraction for me, but you didn't think of it, so bonus points to me for original thinking!"   
  
A corner of Spock's mouth twitched up as he stared at Jim's grinning face. "As I recall, you are quite adept at original thinking, Cadet Kirk."  
  
Jim chuckled, putting the chessboard on the floor.   
  
"Are you still touchy about the Kobayashi Maru, Professor?" he said with a smirk, straddling Spock's lap.   
  
"I am not 'touchy,' Mr. Kirk," Spock said, leveling him with a look.   
  
"Yeah?" Jim said, pushing Spock's robe off shoulders. "I don't believe you, Professor," he murmured, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Spock's shoulders and up his neck, deeply inhaling his scent. He wrapped a hand around Spock's hard velvety cock and stroked it slowly. "Is this for me?"  
  
Spock sighed, running his hands over Jim's naked back.   
  
"Yes," he whispered, pressing kisses all over Jim's face, avoiding his mouth but  _so_  close to it. Jim's lips tingled,  _wanting_ , and he cursed on the inside. He’d never wanted to kiss as much as he'd been wanting lately. Before this whole thing, he’d taken kissing for granted, but now he wanted it,  _craved_  it. It was probably just because it was forbidden, but lately, he’d caught himself staring at Spock's mouth and trying to remember what it tasted like when Spock had kissed him on the T'Pau. He caught himself thinking that it wasn't fair that Uhura had forbidden them to kiss. He knew it was ridiculous of him—Uhura had the right to demand it—but he still felt…robbed.   
  
"Fuck me," Jim murmured into a pointed ear, enjoying the feel of Spock's dick in his hand and trying not to think that Spock's lips were just a few inches away from his own.  
  
  
*  
  
  
"Why are you staring at Spock and Uhura?"  
  
Jim quickly averted his gaze to his food, making an attempt to eat. "I'm not staring, Bones."  
  
"U-huh. By the way, it's good to see you - I've barely seen you all week. You're always playing chess with the hobgoblin these days."  
  
Jim shrugged slightly. He hated to lie to Bones, but he’d promised to Uhura that he wouldn't tell anyone, and Jim Kirk kept his promises – tried to, anyway.  
  
"He's a great player. I like the challenge." It wasn’t strictly a lie; they really  _did_  play chess… between rounds of sex.   
  
Jim cast another glance at the table where Uhura and Spock were sitting. Uhura had a rather strained-looking smile plastered on her face. He couldn't see Spock's face, but his back was unnaturally stiff.   
  
Some part of Jim felt sorry for them—it must be hard—but the other part couldn't help but think that this awkward situation could have been avoided if Uhura had broken up with Spock for real or just bonded with him instead of...this.  
  
But it wasn't his place to judge, Jim reminded himself sternly. He didn’t know what he would do if he were in her place, after all. And a part of him could understand her reluctance to leave Starfleet and enter a lifelong bond only after months of being in a relationship. Uhura was an ambitious woman, dedicated to her career.  It was totally understandable.  
  
"You're staring again," Bones said pointedly, and Jim felt himself blush.  
  
"I'm not staring," he mumbled into his cup. "Just wondering if our game tonight is still on."  
  
Again, it wasn't really a lie. Usually after Spock had a lunch with Uhura, he became withdrawn and silent. While he kept his promise and didn't take his mood out on Jim, when he was in that kind of a mood, he holed up in his room and meditated for hours.  
  
Jim sighed and told himself that he wasn't disappointed. 

  
  
* 

  
"Jim," Spock said quietly into the back of his neck.  
  
"Mmm?" Jim muttered sleepily, running his fingers over the arm that Spock had wrapped around his waist. He felt so warm and cozy - Spock was the best cuddling partner ever, really. He was always so warm and solid and could hold Jim as tightly as he wanted. And although Spock denied it, he totally loved cuddling with him; Jim was sure of that.  
  
"It is late. I must go."  
  
Jim frowned, his eyes still closed. "Where?"  
  
"To retire for the night."   
  
Was it his imagination, or did Spock sound reluctant to leave?  
  
"You can sleep here," Jim muttered.  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"You want me to stay for the night," Spock said evenly.  
  
Jim felt his cheeks heat up. "Um, well - I don't mind having you here. What's the point in getting out of a warm bed to go into a cold one? And we can have sex again in the morning."  
  
Spock was silent for a little while before saying quietly, "You logic is sound."  
  
Jim smiled. "If someone told me you would say that to me a week ago, I would’ve thought they were crazy."  
  
"Indeed," Spock agreed, sounding pensive.  
  
"Night," Jim murmured, burying himself deeper against Spock's body.  
  
Spock tightened his arm around Jim. "Good night, Jim."  
  
It was the first night they’d really slept together.

It was not the last.

 

  
  
*

  
  
"Shit!" Jim cursed under his breath, blowing on his hand to cool it off.   
  
"Captain, what are you doing?"  
  
Jim looked up at Spock from where he was lying on the deck. "Commander, hi. I'm trying to fix this, but the damn thing’s overheated."  
  
Spock frowned, looking down at the console. "You should have used protective gloves."  
  
Jim shook his head. "Can't—I tried already. They make me clumsy and I can't do the job."  
  
Giving him a hard look, Spock knelt beside him. "Do I have to remind you that you are the Captain and that there are other individuals who can do this—individuals whose job  it is to do this work?"  _Are you stupid?_  
  
Jim's jaw clenched. "Really, Commander? I thought we were past that."  
  
Spock just gave him a look before pushing his hands away and starting to work on the console.  
  
Jim's eyebrows furrowed. "Aren't your hands sensitive? Don't you need them for your telepathy?"  
  
"Indeed," Spock said, not even flinching when his fingers touched the overheated metal. "But the temperature is not as unbearable for me as it must be for you. In the future, I advise you not to do the engineering personnel's task. Neither you nor I should be doing this. Is that understood, Captain?"  
  
Jim scowled, torn between kissing him and punching him.   
  
He couldn't do either.

  
  
*

  
  
Jim opened his eyes slowly, not sure what had woken him up. He was still in Spock's arms—Spock had stayed for the night again—and they were still spooning just like they had been when they fell asleep. The only difference was that Spock—  
  
"You  _pervert,_ " Jim murmured, smiling sleepily. "You're hard in me. Are you into somnophilia or something?”  
  
"I cannot help it," Spock said through his teeth, warm fingers stroking Jim's belly, feather-soft and slow. "We fell asleep still joined, and now I cannot pull my penis out without hurting you."  
  
Jim couldn't help it—he started laughing. It was just too funny.   
  
Spock slapped his hip lightly.   
  
"Jim, you are not making the situation easier," he said firmly, but Jim could clearly hear an amused undertone in his voice.  
  
"Can't you just shrink your dick?" he said, still chuckling.  
  
"I have, but it is not sufficient. It will hurt you if I attempt to move. I am attempting to produce as much natural lubrication as I can, but you are distracting me."  
  
Jim smiled. "Well, I'm  _so_  sorry for being a distraction."  
  
"The situation is hardly humorous, Jim. I do not wish to hurt you."'  
  
"You just should come. You usually shoot a lot, so it’ll do as lube."  
  
Spock nuzzled his hair. "Jim. I may be Vulcan, but I cannot simply order myself to ejaculate without additional stimulation."  
  
Smirking, Jim put his hand over Spock's. "I know, but I've heard somewhere that Vulcans can come just from sucking their fingers."  
  
Spock's whole body stiffened. "And how do you know this?"  
  
"So it’s true?" Jim murmured, lifting Spock's hand to his lips - no touching yet, just looking. Spock had beautiful fingers.  
  
"How do you know this, Jim?" Spock repeated sharply.  
  
Smiling, Jim rolled his eyes. "Relax, baby. Your dick is the first Vulcan one I've ever touched. Seriously, your  _t'khart_  is making you a caveman."  
  
"'Baby'?" Spock repeated in a weird tone.  
  
Jim grimaced, a bit weirded out himself. "I know, I know—you aren't an infant. Sorry. It was just a stupid slip of the tongue. It won't happen again." He didn't know why he'd said that.  
  
Spock didn't answer, so Jim pressed his parted lips to the tips of Spock's fingers. Spock actually moaned.

Jim grinned.

Vulcans were clearly full of surprises.  
  
  
  
*  
  
  
"Captain, I have the crew efficiency report," Spock said, producing a PADD.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Spock," Jim said, flashing him a smile and taking the PADD.  
  
Spock didn't go back to his station, and Jim gave him a side-long look. Spock stood behind him with a hand resting on the back of Jim's chair just a few inches away from Jim's right ear. Jim licked his lips, barely resisting the urge to move his head a little so that they would touch.  
  
He frowned. What was wrong with him? They were on the bridge. It was one thing to be all over Spock when they were alone, but wanting to touch him on the bridge was something else completely.   
  
 _Get a grip, Kirk._  
  
Jim forced himself to turn his attention to the PADD and managed to successfully ignore Spock for all of two minutes before he felt a touch to his cheek. Jim froze, holding his breath. A knuckle. Spock's knuckle brushed lightly down his cheek before it was jerked away hastily.  
  
"If you have any questions, I will be at my station, Captain," Spock said stiffly.  
  
His face hot, Jim stared at the PADD dumbly. His skin was tingling.  
  
Fuck _._  
  
It was no good. The situation was getting out of control. He wasn't supposed to get flustered like this from a simple touch. He couldn't allow himself to fall into something beyond lust, to crush on Spock—or whatever it was. Sooner or later, Spock's  _t'khart_  would go back to normal and this arrangement would end. Jim couldn't allow himself to get attached and want Spock. 

  
  
*

  
  
  
Later that evening, as he lay in Spock's arms and tried to catch his breath after his orgasm, Jim was still thinking of it. He couldn't not think of it. He told himself to stop freaking out. He told himself that his thing for Spock was nothing and the amazing sex they’d been having just confused him. He was just thinking with his dick and had to start thinking with his head, dammit. He couldn't allow it to go further.  
  
"You are concerned over some matter," Spock murmured between the kisses he was pressing against the back of Jim's neck, his hands resting on Jim's belly. Jim wondered why he always ended up being the little spoon.  
  
Jim sighed, tilting his head to give Spock better access to his neck. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"You may," Spock said, sucking on the side of his neck. It was a good thing Jim had finally stolen that dermal regenerator from Sickbay.  
  
"Do you like me?"  
  
Spock stiffened against him.   
  
"What do you mean, Jim?" he said after a moment.  
  
"Do you like me… as a person? You don't despise me anymore, right?"   
  
Spock didn't answer immediately.   
  
"I do not despise you. I… do like you. You are a fascinating individual. Of course, it is possible that my  _t'khart_  is influencing my perspective, but I do not think so."  
  
Jim smiled, feeling ridiculously warm, then told himself not to be ridiculous.  
  
He forced a chuckle. "Not that I'm not flattered, but you determined this by putting your dick in my ass?"  
  
"While sexual intercourse with you is highly satisfying—"  
  
"Now it's 'highly satisfying,' huh?"  
  
"—I assure you it is not why my opinion of you changed."  
  
Jim bit his lip. "So if—when—it ends, you won't go back to treating me like I’m stupid?  
  
Spock went silent.  
  
"You wish to end it?" he said with no inflection whatsoever.  
  
Jim closed his eyes. "No, of course not. Not until your  _t'khart_  returns to normal. Just asking."   
  
Spock said nothing, and Jim must have drifted off, because the next thing he was aware of was the feeling of something wet against his belly. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily at Spock, who was cleaning the mess from earlier off his body. Spock stared at his face before averting his gaze.  
  
"I cannot stay for the night," he said, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.  
  
Jim frowned, surprised. They’d slept together for five days in a row now. They hadn't really discussed it, but Jim had come to expect that Spock would stay. Morning sex was awesome; that was it.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I have to go. Nyota asked me to come to her quarters. She wishes to talk."  
  
Jim felt a strange uneasiness in his stomach. "About what?"  
  
Spock stared at the cloth in his hand. "I do not know. However, when we spoke, I received the impression that she was displeased that my  _t'khart_  was still active."  
  
Jim chewed on his bottom lip. "Well, we’ve had a lot of sex lately, and it doesn't seem to be working very well if the way you're all over me is any indication."  
  
"Indeed," Spock said quietly, putting the cloth away. "I thought my  _t'khart_  would be back to normal by now."  
  
Jim looked up at the ceiling. "Do you miss her? And don't tell me missing someone is illogical. So do you miss her?"  
  
Spock was silent for a long while before saying,

"Yes."  
  
Jim stomach tied into knots. It wasn't jealousy; of course not, it couldn't be.  
  
"She is my first and only friend, Jim."  
  
Jim's gaze snapped to Spock. He frowned. "But you have other friends. Hell, your entire department thinks that the sun shines out of your ass."  
  
Spock shook his head. "Respect and friendship are different matters."  
  
Jim's frown deepened. "I thought you were still friends. You have lunch with her in the mess."  
  
"You know very well that it is only for appearances' sake. While we are on speaking terms, it is… not easy."  
  
"I'm sorry," Jim said quietly, and he really was. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if Bones and him were at odds. But Bones wasn't his boyfriend. It was probably different.  
  
"You are not to blame," Spock said, looking away. "I will not repeat my mistake and blame you for this."  
  
With a sigh, Jim sat up and put a hand on Spock's cheek, making him look at him.  
  
"Look," he said softly, holding Spock's gaze. He forced a smile, ignoring the uneasiness in his stomach. "Of course things aren't what they used to be, but I'm sure you two will go back to being the golden couple of the ship in no time when your body gets sick of me."  
  
Spock gave him a long look Jim couldn't quite understand. He didn't look reassured by Jim's words. If anything, he looked even grimmer.  
  
"Hey, stop sulking, will you? I'm sure you guys will be fine."   
  
"Vulcans do not 'sulk.'"  
  
Jim smiled. "They do."  
  
"They do not."  
  
Jim smiled wider. "They do."  
  
A corner of Spock's lips twitched up. "Jim."  
  
Grinning, Jim pushed Spock back onto the bed with the weight of his body. "What? Don't tell me I'm being childish," he chided, looking down at Spock.  
  
Spock said nothing - he just stared up at him, his brown eyes unreadable. After a moment, his arms came up around Jim and pulled him down. With a soft sigh, Jim put his head on his chest. Spock's soft chest hair tickled his nose.   
  
"How long do you think it will take before your  _t'khart_  returns to normal?"  
  
Spock's hand began stroking along his back. "I do not know."  
  
Jim closed his eyes, feeling warm and content.   
  
"Jim, I really must go," Spock said after a few minutes.  
  
"Don't," Jim murmured, rubbing his face against Spock's chest.   
  
Spock sighed barely audibly. "I must. Nyota is waiting for me."  
  
"Do you  _have_  to?" Jim said, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Spock's chest.   
  
"Jim, cease this."   
  
"Stay," he murmured, licking a nipple.   
  
Spock made a low sound. "I cannot."  
  
Jim looked up at him, wide-eyed. "Just for a little while."  
  
His eyes dark, Spock stroked his thumb along Jim's jaw line. "I…"   
  
Jim tried to look as cuddly as possible.  
  
"Very well," Spock muttered, his eyes softening.

 

  
  
*

  
  
When Jim entered the bridge the next morning, Uhura stood up from her station. "I need to talk to you."  
  
Jim narrowed his eyes.   
  
"Of course, Lieutenant," he said, trying to keep his voice neutral, and headed to a small briefing room just down the hall.  
  
When the door closed behind them, Jim turned to her. "I need to talk to you,  _Captain,_ " he corrected her.

She glared. "What the hell was that, Kirk?"

"What do you mean?"

She pursed her lips. "I mean the fact that yesterday Spock came to me almost half an hour later than we agreed—and Spock's  _never_  late—and he was reeking of you, and sex."  
  
Jim chuckled. "First of all, you have quite an imagination. I'm pretty sure that I don't smell and Spock showered. Second, we lost track of time, that’s all. What's all the fuss about?"  
  
She narrowed her eyes. "I don't believe you."  
  
Rubbing the back of his neck, Jim snorted. "Fine. Believe whatever you want."  
  
Her lips folded into a thin line. "I don't trust you, Kirk. Not with Spock, anyway. You think I didn't see how you look at him?"  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Is that all, Lieutenant?"  
  
"One more thing,  _Captain,_ " she said. "I asked Captain Spock to come here and check what's going on in Spock's mind. It's been two weeks and there's no sign that it's working. Spock needs to have his  _t'khart_  examined, and he hasn't done it even once in two weeks."  
  
Jim's mouth fell open. "What? I thought Spock had regular check-ups."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "He told you that?"  
  
Jim frowned. Now when he thought about it, Spock had never told him that. "No, but I assumed that he did."  
  
She snorted. "I guess he was too busy sticking his dick in you to remember."  
  
Jim clenched his jaw, trying to rein in his temper. "You promised that you wouldn't let this affect our professional relationship, but now you're crossing the line, Uhura. I'm your Commanding Officer and you're not off-duty. One more word and it's a black mark on your record. Is that understood?"  
  
Uhura pursed her lips but nodded.  
  
"Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to return to the bridge—and you should do the same, _Lieutenant_."

 

  
*

  
  
  
When Spock came to the bridge half an hour later, Jim asked for a word with him and led him to the same briefing room, feeling Uhura's heavy gaze on his back even outside the bridge.  
  
"Yes?" Spock said with a slight frown when the door slid shut behind them. He moved closer to Jim, and, against his will, Jim found himself doing the same. He cringed on the inside; they hadn't come here for sex, but his body seemed to be attuned to Spock.  _Like a magnet_ , Jim thought with a resigned sigh. But the worst thing was it wasn't even just about sex. Spock looked so  _inviting,_ just asking to be pressed against his body.  
  
Christ, what was he thinking? All the after-sex cuddling had clearly screwed him up even worse than the sex itself. Spock had turned him into a goddamn cuddle-slut.  
  
"Uhura talked to me this morning. She asked Captain Spock to have a look at your mind."  
  
"Indeed?" Spock said, looking somewhat confused.   
  
"She told me that you haven't had your  _t'khart_  examined in weeks. That's right?"  
  
Raising his eyebrow, Spock put a hand on Jim's lower back. "It is correct. Why are you asking?"  
  
Jim leaned into the touch and hooked his fingers on Spock's belt loops. "Why didn't you tell me? More importantly, why didn't you have your mind examined again?"  
  
Spock's eyebrows furrowed. "I did not think it was relevant. As for your other question, my counterpart informed me that I would be able to feel it when my  _t'khart_  returned to normal."  
  
Jim frowned. "He did?"  
  
Spock's hand slid under his uniform shirt and skimmed over his back. Jim shivered and bit his lower lip to prevent himself from making any embarrassing noises.   
  
"He said that when my  _t'khart_  returned to inactive state, I would be fully in control of myself, my body, and my emotions. It is obvious that my  _t'khart_  has not returned to normal," Spock murmured, pulling Jim tighter to him. "I still cannot control myself when it comes to you."   
  
He began pressing hot kisses down the length of Jim's neck. "In fact, lately… I have been considering asking my counterpart to examine my  _t'khart_  again, because it appears my condition is getting worse instead of better."  
  
Giving up, Jim wrapped his arms around Spock. He knew his bridge crew was just a few feet down the hall, but he couldn't make himself pull away.   
  
Spock started sucking on his neck.  
  
"No," Jim said, burying his hand in Spock's hair. "Stop it. They'll see, Spock. I don't have a dermal regenerator on me."   
  
Spock ignored him, sucking harder and pulling Jim's hips closer.  
  
" _Captain Spock's shuttle has just docked, Captain,_ " Uhura's cold voice sounded from the speakers.   
  
"Shit," Jim muttered, making himself push Spock away. He took a deep breath, trying to will his erection away, and smiled.   
  
"Later," he promised, kissing Spock on the cheek. "Let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

The silence in the room was almost tangible as Jim and Uhura waited for the two Vulcans to break the mind-meld.

As seconds ticked by and then a minute passed, the knot of anxiety in Jim's chest started tightening and growing denser. The meld was lasting unusually long—too long—and Jim couldn't help but think that something wasn't right. 

He exchanged a look with Uhura and then both of them looked away.

 _Awkward_.  
  
Finally, Captain Spock broke the meld and opened his eyes.

Spock opened his eyes, too, and they stared at each other.  
  
"So, what's up?" Jim asked impatiently when Captain Spock said nothing.  
  
The Vulcan cleared his throat slightly and, looking at his counterpart, said, "Your  _t'khart_  is fully back to normal."  
  
Jim blinked. "What—"

"Great!" Uhura grinned and stepped closer to Spock.  
  
"You must be mistaken," Spock said to the other Spock.  
  
Captain Spock shook his head. "There is no mistake. Your  _t'khart_  is inactive. If Vulcans were able to sense  _t'khart_  through meditation, you would have known it yourself. Your mind is fully—"

"It is impossible," Spock cut him off. "I am certain that you are incorrect."  
  
Captain Spock narrowed his eyes. "Are you calling me incompetent?"  
  
Spock's hand clenched into a fist as the tension in the room rose considerably.  
  
Jim quickly stepped between them, putting a hand on Spock's chest. "Hey, stop it, okay? You both need to calm down."  
  
Spock looked at Jim's face before looking at the hand on his chest. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down.  
  
"Are you absolutely certain?" he said, still staring at Jim's hand.

Uhura took Spock's arm, giving Jim a pointed look.

Jim snatched his hand away. Right. Spock's  _t'khart_  was back to normal, which meant…Right.

He stepped away.  
  
"I am." Captain Spock looked between Jim, Uhura and his counterpart. A beat passed. "I shall leave."   
  
When Jim made a move towards the door, Captain Spock shook his head. "There is no need to accompany me; I know the way." And with that, he left.  
  
As the door slid shut behind him, Jim moistened his lips with his tongue and looked at Spock.  
  
Their eyes met.   
  
 _It appears my condition is getting worse instead of better._  
  
Spock was perfectly normal when he’d said it.

Jim didn't know what to think. 

Could it be possible that Spock…? No. Obviously it didn't  _mean_  anything. Spock hadn't been exactly thinking with his head at the moment. Besides, Spock had told him that he missed Uhura and wanted to have her back—   
  
And dammit, why was he even thinking about it? There never was a question that when Spock's problem was solved, he would go back to Uhura. That was how it was always supposed to end.

Annoyed with himself, Jim put on a smile. "Well, I guess… I guess that's it, then?"  
  
Something shifted in Spock's expression, a slight flare of his nostrils, a subtle tightening of the lines at the corners of his eyes.

"Yes," Uhura cut in. "Thank you for your assistance, Captain."

Jim glanced at her hand that was wrapped possessively around Spock's bicep and looked away, his throat tight and stomach in knots.

Shit.

He wasn't supposed to care. He _didn't_ care. Spock was Uhura's. Everything would go back to normal now. He’d saved Spock and got a decent working relationship with his first officer in return. It  _was_  a win-win, as Kirk had said.   
  
Then why did he feel like punching someone?  
  
"I… Thank you, Jim," Spock said in a rough voice, avoiding his eyes. "Not every Captain would be as understanding as you are."  
  
Jim plastered another smile on his face. "Don't mention it. I…I'm happy I got to know you better. Hope we'll stay friends, of sorts." He forced out a chuckle. "You aren't going to start treating me like shit again, right?"

"Negative," Spock said, looking at some point above Jim's ear.

Jim nodded, and when silence stretched, he smiled awkwardly. "All right, I've gotta go do…things. Bones asked me to come by and I… Yeah. See you around."  
  
He turned around briskly and walked out of the room with as much dignity as he could muster, ignoring the ridiculous urge to run back to Spock, yank him away from Uhura, and ask him to dump Uhura and be his. 

He cringed. Fucking hell, what was _wrong_ with him? He wasn't a relationship type of guy. Spock was just a piece of ass he’d been getting a lot of lately. That was all.

Jim didn't need him.

He didn't need anyone.

 

  
  
*

  
  
"So you finally remembered my existence," Bones grumbled the next morning when Jim sat down heavily at his table, cradling a mug of coffee.  "Your new best friend got sick of you or something?"  
  
Jim glared down into his mug. "He's not my best friend."  
  
"Could have fooled me. You've been playing a lot of chess lately and seemed to be all buddy-buddy."

Jim shrugged and took a big gulp of his coffee. When he put his mug down, he found Bones eyeing him with a frown.  
  
"What's up, Jim?" he said quietly. "You look like shit."  
  
Jim opened his mouth to say that he was  _perfectly fine, thank you_ , and that he'd never felt better when Bones continued, "You've been looking, like,  _happy_  lately, so it's kind of hard to miss. Yesterday you were positively glowing, and today you look like someone died."  
  
Jim averted his gaze.

"The hobgoblin didn't look any different when I saw him half an hour ago, though," Bones said, making Jim look back at him. "So it probably has nothing to do with him. Hmm..."

Wetting his lips, Jim hesitated. "You saw him? Did he ask about me?"

Bones gave him a strange look. "No. He was with Uhura, so we didn't really talk."

Jim looked back at his mug. "Right."

 

 

  
  
*

 

 

Uhura was smiling.

That was the first thing Jim noticed when he stepped on the bridge.

"Captain," she said mildly before turning back to her station.

"Lieutenant." Jim sat down in the command chair and took a PADD in his hands. He stared at the Gamma shift's report blankly, acutely aware that Ensign Robertson was the only person on the bridge besides him and Uhura. All other stations were empty, since the crew was on light duty.

"Captain, Lieutenant Senicolli is requesting my assistance on Deck Four," Robertson said. "Permission to leave the bridge?"

"Granted," Jim said, reluctantly.

As the turbolift closed behind the ensign, Jim wondered if he could leave the bridge without making it look like he was fleeing.

Silence, taut and heavy.

Jim wondered if Uhura could feel it, too.

He wondered what she was thinking.

He wondered if she looked so happy this morning because Spock fucked her all night long. Fucked her, kissed her, touched her, came in her, his heavy body pinning her down, Spock's hot breath panted against her ear—

A sharp pain brought him back to reality. Jim looked down. His hands were balled into tight fists and his nails were digging into his palms.

He unclenched them, breathed out.

"Captain," Uhura said.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Jim said, not turning his head.

"Permission to speak candidly, Captain?"

Jim stared at the lightning storm on the viewscreen. "Granted."

"I wanted to apologize."

He went very still before turning his head to her. "Apologize?"

"Yes, for my behaviour." Uhura grimaced and chuckled, rather awkwardly. "I was acting very unprofessionally in the last couple of weeks. Now that the whole ordeal is over and everything is back to normal, it's obvious that my jealousy was unfounded. None of what happened was your fault. Of course you had no interest in stealing Spock or something." She cringed. "I was acting ridiculous. I'm really sorry, Jim."

"Right." Jim nodded, and turned back to the viewscreen. He looked at it blankly. "So you and Spock are fine?"

"Better than fine, actually," she said with a smile in her voice. "He's far more attentive and less snappish now. I'd almost forgotten what he was like before the destruction of Vulcan. I didn't realize how much his biology was affecting him."

"I'm glad for you." Clearing his throat slightly, Jim looked down at the PADD. "Have you had any luck deciphering the encrypted message we found on NMXC-21?"

"Yes, actually." She smiled and started explaning.

Jim listened, smiling back. 

He smiled, and smiled.

 

 

 

*

 

 

"Captain, what are you— Damn it, your hands, lad! You should see Doctor McCoy!" Scotty pulled out his communicator.  
  
"Don't," Jim snapped, and Scotty froze. "I don't need Bones."   
  
He looked at his burned hands and felt his lips curl into a smile. "I have a dermal regenerator in my quarters."  
  
Scotty frowned. "But Captain, you still need to see a doctor. If your wounds get infected—"  
  
" _Then_  I'll see a doctor. It's nothing, Scotty."  
  
Scotty's frown deepened as he looked at the console Jim was working on. "You should have used protective gloves, Captain. These consoles are overheated—"  
  
Jim pursed his lips. "I can do whatever I like. I'm the Captain, remember?"  
  
"But—"  
  
Scotty shut up when Jim glared at him.   
  
'Fuck off' was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it.  _Of course_  he couldn't say it. God, sometimes he was sick of being mature, sick of being responsible; he wished he could be that devil-may-care jerk he once was.  
  
"Dismissed, Mr. Scott."   
  
Scotty blinked, then shook his head to himself and walked away, muttering something under his breath.  
  
Jim looked down at the console and, setting his jaw, returned to working on it. He didn't mind the pain when the burned skin of his hands came into contact with hot metal.   
  
The pain was good. It gave him something to focus on.

 

 

  
* 

 

The room was cold.

Except it wasn't. It was all in his head.

Chuckling harshly, Jim brought the bottle back to his lips and took a big gulp. He wondered if he was drunk already. Nope, definitely not. If anything, he was far too sober. And even if he was drunk, so what? He was off-duty for the next twelve hours.

Jim leaned back against the headboard and stared into the darkness.

He'd seen Spock and Uhura together in the mess. They looked pretty chummy. Spock seemed…what was the word Uhura had used? Attentive. Yep, that was the word.

He didn't look at Jim even once.

Not that he cared.

Jim shook his head. Goddammit. _Stop this_.

His communicator beeped.

For a moment, Jim considered ignoring it, but…he was the captain. He was supposed to be responsible. To do the right thing.

He reached out and answered. "Kirk."

" _Captain, the T'Pau's First Officer Kirk is requesting to speak to you_ ," Ensign Balotolli said in a rather bored tone.  
  
Jim pursed his lips and thought for a moment. "Forward it to my quarters, Ensign."   
  
The monitor on his nightstand turned on.

His own face looked back at him.

"What do you want?" Jim said, taking another gulp from his bottle.

Kirk frowned. "Are you drinking alone?"

"Yep. So what?"

Kirk studied him for a long while. Jim wasn't sure how well his counterpart could see him in the darkness, but it still made him uncomfortable as fuck.

"Spock told me that your Spock was back to normal," Kirk said at last.

"Yep." Jim lay back on his bed.

"Hey, I can't see you!"

"Do I look like I give a damn?" Jim sipped his Andorian whiskey; the liquid burned his throat as it went down.

Silence.

"Why are you talking to me at this hour anyway?" Jim said, looking at the dark ceiling. He smiled. "Shouldn't you be in bed with your _husband_?"

"We use Vulcan time on the ship, not the Federation Standard."

Vulcan.

Jim took another swing from the bottle. His head started feeling a bit fuzzy. "It's not fair, you know."

"What?"

Closing his eyes, Jim smiled bitterly. "Everything. You still have Vulcan. You have a real family. You went to a chess tournament instead of Tarsus. You're not fucked up. You're better educated. Your crew respects you. I bet no one in your crew would ever address you disrespectfully, no matter what. And your Spock isn't fucking his girlfriend as we speak." His lips twisted. "You're everything I'm not. You have everything I don't. Everything has been so _easy_ for you—"

"You done?" Kirk said.

Jim opened his eyes and turned his head to him.

Kirk's jaw was clenched tightly. "Look, I'm not even going to pretend to understand what you went through on Tarsus, and yes, my life has been much happier, much healthier than yours, but if you think it's been easy for me...." A humourless smile appeared on his lips. " _Easy_. You think I didn't work my butt off to earn my crew's respect? Ever since I started living on Vulcan, I've worked my ass off to fit in and prove to them that I'm not inferior. Vulcans are fucking xenophobes, did you know that? They gave Spock a lot of shit when he was a kid only because he had human _eyes_. Now imagine what it was like for me. So get off your high horse and stop thinking that you're the only one who had it hard." He met Jim's eyes. "You may not believe it now, but my Spock wasn't always this comfortable in his skin as he is now. When we were teens, he had a lot of self-loathing going on, and basically everything was against us. If I didn't fight for what I wanted, I doubt we'd be together now. Giving up would have been the easiest option and I'm glad I didn't take it. You know what's the difference between you and me? I'm not a coward."

Jim flinched. "I'm not, either."  
  
Kirk smiled. "Sure. And that's why you're drinking alone and letting him go back to Nyota. Remember what you told me a few weeks ago? 'We're responsible for how our lives will turn out.' Well, prove it, then. But nope, you won't. You'd rather sit on your ass and be alone for the rest of your life than risk being rejected, _abandoned_ —"  
  
"I don't want Spock," Jim cut him off, his voice hard. "And Spock is Uhura's boyfriend. He seems pretty damn happy being back with her. And I'm _done_ talking about it. Understood?"

Kirk's lips pressed into a thin line. "You're making a mistake, Jim. I don't believe he loves Nyota. Yeah, I'm sure he feels a lot of affection for her and feels that it's the right, logical thing to do to be with her. Spock can be stupidly stubborn sometimes when it comes to duties and obligations--"

"You don't know Spock," Jim said flatly. "My—This Spock has been shaped by very different experiences.  So you have no idea what he feels or doesn't. You're just seeing things you want to see. Just _stop_ , okay? You've done enough. "

Kirk gave him a long look.

"You're right. I'm done. As I said, it's your life to screw up. I don't even know why I tried to interfere—" He let out a harsh noise. "Though that's a lie. I just wanted…" His jaw worked. "Maybe it's naïve of me, but I hoped in every universe, in every life, there is always a Spock for a Jim Kirk."

Jim stared at him.

"Not in this one," he said at last and shut off the transmission.

He closed his eyes, feeling far too sober all of a sudden.

 

 

  
*

 

One good thing about being stuck in the eye of the 'lightning storm in space' was that Jim could easily avoid people he didn't want to see. He wasn't required to be constantly on the bridge. He didn't have to talk to Spock at all if he didn't want to.

But of course, with his luck, he had to run into Spock as he was returning to his quarters deep into the gamma shift, when no one was supposed to be around.

They both stopped in the middle of the corridor outside their quarters.

"Captain," Spock said, clasping his hands behind his back.

"Spock," Jim said, glancing around. The corridor was empty but for them. At this hour, it wasn't surprising.

He returned his gaze to Spock.

They stared at each other.

Jim shifted from one foot to the other. "So you and Uhura got back together."

"Affirmative," Spock said.  His expression was unreadable, but eyes were fixed on Jim intently.

"So…how are things? I hope it's not awkward for you guys."

Spock cocked his head slightly, as though he was unsure of his meaning. "Our relationship is adequate."

Adequate. With Spock, it could mean anything.

"Right," Jim said, awkwardly. "I'm glad everything worked out. It's bad for the crew when the Chief Communication Officer has a problem with the Captain."

"Indeed," Spock said, still looking at him.

"Yeah."

Brushing a hand through his hair, Jim glanced at Spock before looking around.

"Alright, I've gotta—"

Spock stepped into his personal space.

Jim wet his lips, his heart starting to pound. "Spock?"

Spock's eyes seemed almost black as he stared at him.

Jim felt heat spread through his body and an odd fluttering fill his stomach.

Seconds ticked by in silence as the air between them grew restless and heavy with tension.

Spock's gaze was fixed on the rapidly beating pulse at the base of Jim's throat.

Suddenly, he dipped his face down and pressed his nose against Jim's neck. "Jim."

Christ.

Jim took a deep breath.

They couldn't. Spock was Uhura's, not his. They _couldn't_ , dammit.

But somehow their mouths found each other and then they were kissing, hard and needy, and it was--

Spock froze.

There were footsteps coming from around the corner.

They sprang apart just as Ensign Horner rounded the corner.

"Captain; Commander," he said, a look of surprise on his face.

"Ensign," Jim managed, hoping that he didn't look like he'd just had his First Officer's tongue in his mouth—his First Officer who was in a relationship with his Communications Officer.

They waited in tense silence until the ensign disappeared around the corner.

When Jim looked at Spock, Spock's face was completely blank, his posture stiff.

Spock wouldn't quite look him in the eye. "That was—"

"A mistake," Jim said quickly, not wanting to hear the word from Spock.

After a moment, Spock agreed, "Indeed."

"You're in a relationship with Uhura."

"Indeed."

"It can't happen again."

"Correct."

Jim glared at Spock.

Spock stared back.

Jim didn't know which of them moved first, but a moment later, they were kissing again,  as if their sanity depended on it, biting, licking, sucking on each other's tongues, teeth everywhere, and it was so good, so perfect, and Jim was moaning and pushing Spock into his quarters and shoving into his bed.

The rest was a blur of want and need, of moans and gasps and greedy hands, and _Spock, Spock, Spock_ panted against the hot mouth as Spock moved in him, of hungry, needy kisses exchanged between thrusts, of fingers digging into Spock's back as they moved together. It was wrong, so very wrong, but he didn't care. He wanted him, craved him, and couldn't get enough. _  
_

Afterwards, they lay in silence for a long time, in an exhausted tangle of arms and legs, Spock's heavy body on top of him, their faces pressed against each other. Jim didn't want to open his eyes. Under Spock, surrounded by him, by his scent and his body, he felt too good to care about rights and wrongs.

Finally, he opened his eyes slowly.

He found Spock looking at him already.

Their faces were just a few inches away. Jim could count every eyelash. He smiled slightly, feeling intimacy shroud the two of them like a blanket. He’d never felt so…good in his life. So content. Yes, there was a bit of fear and guilt lurking underneath, but right now, it didn't matter. Maybe what they had done was wrong, but this felt right. It shouldn't have felt so right, but it did. It did.  
  
Spock's eyes locked with his.

"You feel it too, right?" Jim murmured. 

Spock put his fingers over his meld points. He wasn't melding them, but he likely could feel some of Jim's emotions.

"It is illogical," Spock said quietly, which Jim took as a yes.

"Yeah."

Spock frowned slightly, though his eyes were soft. "Jim, what we have just done is…"

"I know." Biting his lip, Jim stroked Spock's arm absent-mindedly. "I feel like an asshole. I mean, after Uhura apologized to me, I did precisely what she suspected me of: stole you."

Spock closed his eyes for a moment. "The fault is mine more than yours," he said. "After my counterpart informed me that my mind was fully returned to me again, I could no longer deny that… the emotions I felt towards you were my own. Regardless of whether you wished to continue our association or not, I should have ended my romantic relationship with Nyota. I did not. It seemed logical at the time, as she was a perfectly adequate companion and I did not wish to upset her and lose our friendship. It was most illogical of me. Therefore, the fault is mine rather than yours."

"We're both assholes," Jim said before looking Spock in the eye. "Did you sleep with her?"

Spock looked vaguely uncomfortable. He nodded briskly. 

Grimacing, Jim averted his gaze and told himself not to be ridiculous. He had no right to feel jealous and betrayed. Spock was Uhura's boyfriend. Of course he couldn't avoid sleeping with her after she let him sleep with someone else for weeks.

He still found himself saying, "Tell me you hated it."

Silence.

And then Spock took his chin and forced him to look at him. "It was…difficult," he admitted quietly, his thumb stroking Jim's cheek. "I could not cease thinking of you. Illogically, I felt like I was wronging you."

Jim scowled before yanking Spock's head closer and giving him a short, possessive kiss.

"You're mine now," he said seriously when they broke the kiss. "Right?"

Spock studied him with dark eyes. He could probably hear the neediness, the possessiveness in his voice and Jim hated it, but could do nothing about it.

"Yes," Spock said.

Yes. Not "affirmative," not "indeed." Just "yes."

For some reason, it made Jim's throat close up.

He cleared his throat and let out a chuckle. "We aren't telling the other me that we're together, alright? Ugh, he'd be so smug."

A corner of Spock's lips twitched. "Your irrational dislike of your counterpart is rather amusing, Jim."

Jim tugged at his pointed ear. "Oh shut it. Like you're that fond of yours."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Disliking him would be illogical. He is a highly intelligent individual and an accomplished scientist."

Jim grinned. "Oh really? So humble, Mr. Spock." His smile faded.

He looked at Spock seriously. "Come on, admit it. Don't you hate him a bit?" 

A shadow passed over Spock's face. He didn't reply immediately.

"Perhaps," he said finally. "However, what is, is. I am also…glad that there is a world in which Nero was stopped in time and Vulcan was never destroyed." _And my mother lived_.

"Yeah," Jim murmured. It _was_ comforting, in a way. "Me, too."

Spock leaned in and pressed his lips to Jim's shoulder.

They lay in companionable silence for a long while, tangled in each other.

"I'm sorry, you know," Jim said at last. "About Uhura. I know she's your only friend. I'm sorry you're going to lose her, too." _Because of me_.

Spock lifted himself on an elbow and looked down at him.

His thoughtful, penetrating gaze made Jim feel naked in more ways than one.

Slowly, Spock drew his knuckles along Jim's jaw line, tracing the contour of his face.

"I am not," he said quietly.  
  
Jim swallowed, and smiled.

 

  
* * *

  
  
He took a deep breath and knocked.   
  
A few seconds later, the door opened.  
  
"Lieutenant," Jim greeted. "May I come in?"  
  
After a moment, Uhura nodded and went back into the room.

Jim followed her inside, letting the door shut behind him.

"Look," he said, breaking the tense silence. "I'm an asshole. I'm sorry. I honestly never meant for it to happen."

She chuckled and shook her head. "Unbelievable. If that's why you came, get out."

"No, I wanted—I wanted to tell you that if you wanted a transfer, I'd give you the best possible recommendations—"

She threw her head back and laughed.

Jim stared at her.

Finally, she stopped laughing and, crossing her arms over her chest, said, "I'm not going anywhere, Kirk. I dreamed of being assigned to the Enterprise for years, and I'm not giving up on my dreams and ambitions because of _men_. I'm not some silly girl. So sorry to disappoint you, but you wouldn't get rid of me so easily."

"I didn't want to get rid of you," Jim said. "I offered it because I thought you wanted a transfer. I can only imagine what it must feel like to work under your ex when he's the second-in-command and when he’s… in a relationship with your Captain." Jim blushed a little. Christ, it felt so strange to say it aloud. Spock and he were in a  _relationship_. Bones was going to die from laughing when he found out.

"Well, you thought wrong," she said scathingly. "You know where the door is, Kirk." She inhaled deeply and said in a neutral voice, "And before you say anything, I'm perfectly capable of drawing the line between my professional life and my personal one. I won't let it affect my work and career, Captain. Not anymore."

"Right," Jim said, not sure how he felt about it. A part of him was relieved. A part of him was worried that it would affect their working relationship, no matter what Uhura said. Damn it, now he understood why fraternization was so frowned upon. It complicated everything. "That's your decision, and I'll respect it. I'm glad I won't lose the best Communication Officer in Starfleet."

"Flattery won't get you anywhere," Uhura said, snorting.

"It's not flattery and you know it," Jim said firmly.

"Yes, I know." She eyed him for a moment. "I said some things that no subordinate should say to their captain. You really can move on and not hold any grudges?"  
  
Jim shrugged. "I understand that it was a difficult situation for you. Hell, I'm not sure I would've handled it better if I were in your place." His lips twisted. "I probably would've been worse. I'm certainly ready to move on if you are, but I won't tolerate disrespectfulness and insubordination if you really want to stay. A moment's hesitation might cost lives. You know that, Uhura."   
  
She studied him before nodding slowly. "I understand, sir."

Jim nodded and turned to the door when her voice stopped him,

"Do you love him?"

Jim hesitated, his neck uncomfortably hot. He hadn't told it even to Spock. Not yet.

But she deserved the truth. He owed her that.

"Yeah," he said, his voice a bit thick. "I think so."

He waited for a moment, his back to her, but she remained silent.

Jim left the room quietly.

  
  
  
* * *

 

  
"Captain, the storm is ending in approximately three minutes," Sulu said.  
  
"Stand by, Mr. Sulu," Jim replied before looking at the viewscreen.   
  
The T'Pau's bridge crew looked back at him. Jim could see Gaila sitting at the Communications station, Len standing next to a very pretty Vulcan female at the navigation station, some serious-business-looking Vulcans at other stations, and, at the center of the bridge, with a hand resting on the back of the command chair occupied by Captain Spock, stood his counterpart, Jim Kirk.  
  
"Well, I guess that's it, then," Jim said.   
  
Kirk smiled a little, looking over Jim's shoulder where his First Officer—Jim's Spock—stood. Though Jim hadn't told him that he and Spock were together now, Kirk seemed to know, somehow. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"It was an honor to meet you," Captain Spock said to them, lifting his hand into the ta'al. "Live long and prosper."  
  
Jim grinned. "Back at you," he said at the same time as his Spock's,

"Peace and long life."  
  
Kirk winked at his husband, mouthing at him, 

 _I was right and you were wrong_.  
  
The last thing Jim saw before the viewscreen changed to the view of the T'Pau was Captain Spock giving his bondmate a long-suffering eyebrow.

"The storm appears to be weakening, Captain," Sulu said.

"Good," Jim said, looking at the T'Pau's hull. "Uhura, tell everyone to buckle up."

"Aye, Captain," Uhura said from her station.

Jim turned his head and met Spock's gaze.

Spock nodded to him slightly, his brown eyes warm.

Jim turned back to the viewscreen, smiling. His smile was probably too warm, too soft, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Mr. Sulu, prepare to engage thrusters."

Sulu grinned back. "Aye aye, Captain!"

 

The End


End file.
